We're Sorry, Ash

She has been voted as one of the world's most beautiful women. She has played the ghostly daughter, the silly lover, the sweet wife, the cunning crook, the courtesan and most of the other stereotypes that Bollywood has to offer.

Yet, it is in real life that Aishwarya Rai really has beaten the odds and given the performance of a lifetime. She ,literally, has to go back in time and be the consort of many to protect her man. As I write this down, she stands at 3 and a half marriages .. I've given Abhishek half a point as they're engaged. And no, Salman and Vivek whatshisname don't earn any points in this race. So then where are the other three husbands ? Most of you already know the answer to this, but I figure it's worth refreshing all our memories just to humor those who don't know it.

As of today, Aishwarya Rai, India's most gorgeous woman ( if rumors are to be believed, though Shakila would disagree and Renuka Chaudhary would claim I'm sexist and biased ) is married to :
1. A Banaras peepal tree.
2. A Bangalore banana tree.
3. A holy idol in Ayodhya.

Why ? because she's a Manglik.. I'm not gonna go into those details. Sufficed to say she was born at the wrong second of the wrong minute of the wrong hour of the wrong day, as far as astrology goes. Well, I'm not a big fan of her acting, but damn, I find myself sympathising with her on this matter. She deserves better. Sure, Salman ain't the best boyfriend and the best thing Vivek Oblongata had to offer her was a dog, I believe, but is this really the best deal ?
'To get into the Number one family in India, thou shalt first marry into wood and stone'.. Hmmm.

I think the world needs to know a small doc trade secret : We appoximate. WE APPROXIMATE. If your birth certificate says 12:30 am, more likely than not, you were born anywhere between 12:26 - 12:33am. ATLEAST. And then, there's the matter of "who's clock were you watching when noting the time of delivery ??" And then there's the whole "was anyone really looking at the clock when the child was born ?" thingy, the "forget the clock, sister, we have compications here so lets boogie, we'll fill in a time later" episodes. Don't even get me started on how rarely the labour theatre clock batteries get changed.. I guess we never realise the implications of our actions and how much the child has to suffer so many years later just because we added a minute or two to her arrival time. I don't know. I just feel bad for the poor 200 crore rupee, light eyed fantasy of crores of Indians. All the women empowerment speeches in the world can't help her from this fate.

But hey, what about Aby Jr ? Dude could accept Diya Mirza ( the original Ash clone till Sneha Ullal came along ) when she was a manglik in last year's runaway hit, Lage Raho MunnaBhai while acting as the progressive groom. Yet, once the make up is off , I guess the belief lives on, doesn't it ? Even if it means marrying the one you love to a strong, silent peepal tree.. or a randy banana tree. And while I'm sure Ash will claim all future kids to be exclusively Abhi's, I can't help but wonder what his reaction will be if the film critics describe the kids acting performance as "Wooden"... or "stony" ?? Hohoho..
Expression on Abhishek's face - PRICELESS.

As for me, well, come March and I will be gone. For too long, despite being a doc, I have enjoyed the life of a student, but now life is calling. And this is one call I must answer. It is time to trade masks again - go back to the green attire and the operation theatres. The last year has, in hindsight, been a lot of fun - renewing old friendships, making loads of cool friends and people I can relate to. It was a good run while it lasted and I honestly enjoyed it, so much so that even being a peepal tree myself ( as my parents observed.. ouch!! where's the sensitivity, huh??? ) doesn't faze me anymore. Over my door at home, the following plaque has been hung for more than 9 years now :
" I shall pass this way but once :
any good , therefore, that I can do,
or any kindness that I can show to any human being,
let me do it now, let me not differ nor neglect it,
for I shall not pass this way again. "

Perhaps my journey is over here in Godyears, perhaps just side tracked. Time will tell. Till then, I guess I'll be on overdrive for the next 2 weeks, churning out as many half baked ideas as I can. If this star's gonna go out, it's gonna go out all guns blazing !!!!

P.S. From March onwards, if you read that Pune's population is going down mysteriously, don't look at me. It's a C-O-I-N-C-I-D-E-N-C-E.