God loves me. There is no doubt on that bit. He loves me the same way a puppy loves a bouncing ball.. Or a stationary mango seed for that matter.. Puppies are never choosy, I find. We have a lot to learn yet from those wise puppies.
Anyway, Why do I say this.. Well, let's bring all you newcomers to this site ( infidels ) as to where I stand right now.. I've chosen a laptop for myself ( Dell 1525 ) and now just have to send the cash to the Dell dudes and they'll send me my laptop. See how easy it all sounds ?
So how easy is it really ?
January 28 :
- I get a call from DellMan telling me I need to have my payment reach them by 30th to avail the VAT free price. Well, since I don't have a credit card and the other option is DD/ cheque book, I opt for DD ( I'm in the process of applying for a cheque book ).
- Anyway, I'm on duty for 24 hours that day so I beg and exchange duties for 2 hours and rush to my favourite private bank ( presently involved in a legal row for sending mini-hitmen to recollect debts.. hmmm ) and with all that money in my pocket, fill up the DD and hand it over to the man at the counter. "I'm sorry, Sir. We don't accept DDs without cheques ." he replies coolly. Huh ? "No...I want a DD." "Yes, sir.. and I want a cheque." "You mean, I need a cheque to get a DD ?" "That is correct, Sir. " "But I don't have a cheque book." "That is unfortunate, Sir. Now if you could step away from the window.. " Wait. wait.. how about if I put the money back in my account and you can debit it from the account directly. " "That can be done.. " "All right" ".. "But for that.. I need a cheque as well. " I swear, his smile reminded me of Skeletor.
- I ran.. there's a State bank on the other side of the hospital. Too late. It's shut down for the day. So there I am standing, all out of breath after all that running, in front of the bank and college with all that money in my pant pocket as the college students start passing by. Do you have any idea how it looks for a doc to be seen waiting outside a college corridor as girls come out with an obscene bulge in his pants and seemingly breathless ? It doesn't paint a pretty picture , I assure you.
- After a few appreciative stares and disgusted grimaces, I realised what I looked like and chose the safer option ( the security man staring at me and twirling his lathi was an added incentive ) and moved away from the campus. DellMan of course, chose that exact time to call.
- " Show me the money.. showwww me the money." He screamed. Well, of course, he didn't scream that , but that was the basic idea. By then, I was pretty tired and my free hours were almost up.. so I loudly shouted to him " Sir, believe me. I want to give you the money. I have the whole XX, xxx ( numerical amount ) in my pocket here. But how do I get it to you ? The bank guy says I can't place amounts greater than 25 k without a cheque.. a damn cheque for a DD ?"
- Two things happened simultaneously at that point. One, the 3 guys standing by the tea stall where I was talking suddenly seemed really interested in my conversation. They too found the bulge in my pants suddenly hotter than their tea and vada pav ( again, with the potatoes !!! Can't you Pune dudes make anything without potatoes !!!!!!! ). And DellMan again showed why I'm known as an absent minded professor. "Umm.. sir, you could have made 2 DDs in amounts less than 25 K, you know." ( Well, Duh !!, his tone proclaimed . ) "He he he.. I'll get back to you." Cut line. Take first rickshaw out of there away from the tea drinking, pav chomping dacoits.
- Of course, I had to use up my 2 hours. I called up my friend. "Friend" I proclaimed when she answered. "Why are you calling me ? What do you want ?" "I know I can count on you." "No, you can't. What do you want ?" "I need help urgently." "Sigh..." "Listen, I have XX,XXX money in my pocket" "Who did you kill and where is the body ?" "Shut up and listen.. I need to send it urgently to Dell. You have a credit card, don't you ?" "Is it drug money ?" "I don't sell drugs.. so I was thinking I'll transfer the money to your account and then you can pay on my behalf. " "Are you in the kidney selling racket ? " "Is that a yes ?" "No, of course it's not. "
- "But why ?" I persisted. "It's money.. money comes between all friendships.. I refuse to let it become an issue between us. " "But.. oh come on. You can't be serious !!! I'm giving you the money.. I trust you not to cheat me. " "Nevertheless... friendship first. " "But.. we're not even that good friends. " "I see. " "No, what I meant was.. " "Is that why I didn't get your call on my birthday last year ? " "Umm.. I was busy ? Hello ? Hello ? " Of course, the line was dead.. Stupid ass with her credit card.. Hmm.. I should make a reminder to send her a card for her next birthday in September.. or was it February ?
Long story short, my 2 hours were up and with my enormous bulge, I returned to the hospital, awaiting a brand new day.. SBI did eventually give me the DDs the next day, after a mad 15 minute dash from the operation theatre to the bank before it shuts down , leaving me red faced and with the same bulge, again in front of the same college campus with the giggling girls. Sigh.. my reputation in that college is probably shot to hell.. Either that or I'm the new stud muffin in their girls hostel. I can live with that.
But man, it's funny how when you want to, you just can't get rid of money !!!