The butt-obsessed post

Dr Roshan Radhakrishnan
22

“Cool... so we finally have proof of the existence of aliens.” The man in front of me said with amazing profoundness as he stared at the film. For once, I didn’t share his enthusiasm.  Still, I played along.

“What ?” I asked.

“See those wide striated lines in that oval head. No doubt about it. And those two beady eyes in between... just like they always showed in the movies.”

I was in two minds. On the one hand, it’s nice to have someone with your own perverted sense of humour around... of course, on the other hand, I was wishing if aliens did exist, they’d abduct him then and there and laser-fry his ass. Instead, since I’m just a mortal ( to the naked eye ), I chose to just stick to the facts.

“Actually, that’s a CT scan of my sacroiliac joint. That’s my butt cheeks you’re staring at. And the beady eyes... they’re called the obturator foramen.”

He stared at me with mock amazement, then stared down the chair at my ass. For a brief moment, I understood how Rakhi Sawant feels every day. We sex objects get used to it after awhile.

“Wow. That’s some ass you got there. And they’re gonna do what, you said ?”

“Stick a really big needle really deep to get a bone sample from over there using the CT Scan in live time” I said, specifying a point in the film.

Again, he looked in amazement at the film, probably imagining the length of that needle, not to mention it’s strength, then stared back at my ass. In his mind, he was probably picturing a construction worker with a mechanical drill standing over my butt and going at it, till he struck oil.

“Wow.” He said again. “These doctors are really great, huh ? They can do anything. In such a big ass, just to find that one small spot and take a bone biopsy. Of course, I had one friend who went into an operation theatre like this. After the surgery, he couldn’t walk or piss. So you can’t say what your future is...” He said as his number came up and he went in to collect his own reports.

I shook my head. I really should learn not to talk to strangers. For starters, I always end up choosing the weird ones.. why couldn’t I have chosen the cute sister on the other side of the room and sat beside her ?

Whichever dimwit claimed that talking to strangers can be therapeutic needs to have a 1000 red ants queue up his honey filled butt cheeks. Therapeutic, my ass. Suicidal is the right word.

P.S. The scan went fine. They did eventually find a needle ( think of it as the son of a snooker stick and a spear ) big enough to poke me with. Reports remain awaited. As for me, well, I’m bedridden and on medical leave...My limp got worse and the cause till date remains unkown. Cool.

Dr Rads. Man of mystery. I like how it sounds. Though, it’s probably ‘Limb of Mystery.’ Oh well. One step at a time... pun intended.

P.S. Just a random observation. Back in Pune, I’d be appreciating the rose design tattoo peeking out the hip of cute hotties at the mall. Out here, as I wait in the hospital, I find myself admiring the cute floral patterns in the burqa of the woman beside me... which tells me two things : -

A) Yup, I’m back home in Kannur again.

B) There really isn’t any point covering up women in burqas or tents or curtains or whatever you have... we perverts will still appreciate women even when we’re in abject pain and limping around on one leg. It’s in our jeans, oops, I mean, genes  after all.

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22Comments

Let me know what you think.

  1. Oh man!

    I think I too would have wondered how long that needle is gonna be!

    PS: I didn't know that is how a butt scan looked like :)

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  2. As always..Nicely put..Too good..

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  3. i knew i knew i knew... hows Kannur.. how are acha, amma and Rohit.. all well??

    ok now to the issue.. still results awaited, huh? u gave an exotic name the other day?? Take care doctor..

    don't limp arnd too much, u just gonna hurt urself more..

    and stop staring.. now u ll know how bad it is to stare...:-P lolzz.. Rakhi and u?? cute duet..

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  4. I'm sure you would give miss sawant a run for her money.You just need somebody who can market you well.Btw,I have done some publicizing for stars before.So in case u feel like it.. ;)


    Get well soon.. :)

    and enjoy ur time at home.

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  5. I had no clue there were rose-design-tattooed female hips in Pune.

    I know where I'm going on my next holiday now.

    BTW, the scan looks like the picture they show in after-school specials. You know, the one in which the embarrassed narrator-doctor goes, "This is where you put the male sexual organ" while poking the pointy needle at the projector screen. Just thought I should tell everyone.

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  6. what the hell? i thot docs never fell sick. isn't that the whole point?! now how do i trust you, especially with my butt?

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  7. Aathira, for the safety of the general viewing public, ( not to mention the huge size of the picture ), Ive just borrowed somebody else's SI joint pic.. mine wouldn't fit in one page :)

    sumana, thanks.

    rat, parents oscillating between hypertense and cool.. besides, they know in the end, their prayers will defeat the disease..as for staring.. hehe, good luck on that one !!!

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  8. illeen, really ? publicizing for stars ? Man, how did i end up in this job when the rest of the world is out having fun .. no fair !!!

    shishir.. hehe, never took that class.. which explains a lot.

    nags, hey you.. we docs just think we're God, we ain't actually omnipotent etc etc

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  9. well i don blame the guy...the scan does look like something from outer space..butt ofcourse it's not.

    get well soon

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  10. Gazal, thank you so nuch for the moral support.. grumble grumble :)

    Dhanya, thanx doc

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  11. Like really! u have one sucked up life given u r in Poona! (ok am sorry for rubbing it in :P )

    now i think my sister was smart in being a medical researcher than being a practitioner. :D

    and i never thought doctors could write! let alone write well!! good job with the blog doc. :)

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  12. Thanks Jinu, for NOT RUBBING IT IN !!!! :) anyway, thanks for the compliment too

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  13. bone biopsy of iliac crest??....

    tc man!!:)...

    nice humor!!

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  14. not the crest, brocasarea.. more like the ilium at the level of the sacroiliac joint.. there was erosive changes visible there

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  15. ohk!!!!...that must have hurt badly!!

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  16. hahaha...its like having pun in pain ;)

    Get well soon!

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  17. brocasarea, believe me it does...

    nm, thanks for the sentiments :)

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  18. "It’s in our jeans"
    - ROFL getting up ROFL again :D

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  19. oops.. and hope you get well soon and feel 'butt'er.. sorry better :D

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  20. LOLZ man....by the way did u ,like, watch ur posterior getting needled on a big screen? just like matinee time? did they shave it off before doing it? did the alien get out of ur ass after the operation or is he hiding in ur intestines now? please tell me soonest ..m dieing to know...love the blog entry..totally

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  21. Quakeboy, thanks man.

    Trex, didn't get to c it as i was upside down on my belly. The alien did get away i guess sinc noone's found him yet. Wil keep ya posted man

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