Youreallywannamarryme.com

by - April 07, 2010

Okay, so here’s the deal. I was browsing through a couple of matrimonial sites ( for a friend, of course ) and I was a bit taken aback by what I saw.

Sample 1 : Our daughter is 26 years old. She is beautiful with fair/wheatish complexion and is excellent in studies. She is Godfearing, hardworking and has a fun loving personality with no mood swings. No bad habits. She is currently employed in a multinational company earning a crapload of money. Her dad is a kickboxer and is very protective of her. Her mom is a retired principal and loves giving impositions. She has two siblings, both in the army and having guns. We are looking for an alliance of same caste with a super crapload earning, NRI boy who’s a doctor/head of company/engineer/astronaut, yet down to earth and will look after her.

Sample 2 : Our daughter is 25 years and 364 days old. She is excellent in complexion and fair/wheatish in studies. She is hardworking by nature and funloving. Very religious too. Absolutely no bad habits or mood swings. She is currently employed in a college that receives funds from a multinational company that earns a crapload of money. Her dad is a principal and mom is a kickboxer who is very protective of her. She has one sibling – he owns a gun. We are looking forward to hearing from people of same caste who earns more than our daughter’s MNC funded college. He should be a /doctor/ down to earth astronaut/ engineer and look after her well.

Sample 3 : Our daughter is 26 years and 1 day old. She is extremely hardworking and very fun loving. She is fair throughout the day and wheatish by personality. God loves her. She has no bad habits and lots of good habits. Her dad is a retired army man who owns no weapons and mom is a housemaker. Her elder brother works in the Gulf, doing stuff which is not entirely illegal. We are looking forward to hearing from like minded NASA working outgoing spacesuit wearing pilots/doctors/engineers of same caste and pincode area , preferably from Earth if not down to it ,who will look after her.

P.S. She is a kickboxer and is very protective of herself. Prone to mood swings.





Fine, fine.. I may have exaggerated a wee bit, but seriously.. how is this gonna help me.. How on Earth does this tell me anything about the girl, that would matter to the two of us ( Please don’t say horoscope – I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna put my life in the hands of some topless dude who’s throwing seashells on a table and deciding my fate by reading them, I’d rather it be dice at Las Vegas than seashells. And yes, “dude” replaced by “blonde” in above sentence. )

But my point is what if I don’t want a perfect girl – where do I go for a normal, down to earth, mischievous girl ? What if I hate class toppers and just want someone like me – someone who loves bunking work to go out for movies, enjoys night strolls and pani puris rather than expensive dinners, loves to cuddle, makes an excellent Malabari biryani and who thinks daschunds are weird looking but still super-cute... kinda like Kate Perry !

What I’m asking is – what does this say about the girl and me in terms of compatibility... all it does is show me there are fish in the sea like me, nothing more. That’s why I’m in the process of devising a fool proof questionnaire that’ll knock the stuffing out of these present silly matrimonial sites and help you find the mate of your dreams.

For now, here’s a sample with my own personal answers..

Category : Education ( No.. I don't want to know your highest degree and % marks in 10th standard !! )

  1. · Front bencher or backbencher in college ? ( +10 for backbencher, same pinch!! )
  2. · Ever got caught a) gossiping ( + 10 ), b) sleeping ( +10 ), c) playing games during a lecture ( +10) [ - 10 for each category that came negative ]
  3. · Well versed in the art of making chits and giving proxies ? ( + 20. Somebody has to teach our kids, right ? How else are they gonna be popular ? )
  4. · Class topper ? ( +25, good girl. Your brains, my brawn.. umm, I mean cooking skills – awesome combination )
  5. · 2nd rank in class because the class topper didn’t share her last sheet with you during the exams ? ( + 50.. whaa ? It shows resourcefulness. )
Get the picture ? The other categories are gonna be on equally important stuff like Family Values, Personal relationships, Quirks, Lifestyle, Opinions on entertainment and everyday events and of course... SUDDEN DEATH ROUND !!

So guys and gals, feel free to send in your own questions in the above topics ( you stand to get 0.1 % of the profits, once I sell this to a multinational company for a crapload of money ). On your marks.. get set.. TYPE !!! Will release the final "COMPATIBILITY TEST" soon...

In the mean time, I’ll go flirt in the matrimonial site with SadhugirlXXX... homely in studies and funloving in prayers. Oh look.. her religion is wheat and her personality is God... she’s a Human God.. Wow !! Now that’s a nice change...

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20 comments

  1. Hey doctor... extremely hilarious! What a laugh riot...!!! :):):)

    Without any exaggeration, this is what I have come across - "My son is very rich, though he stopped studying after completing his 2nd BA ( i don't know if it is 2nd year BA or 2nd BA.. I mean BA in a different subject!!!! :) Looking for highly educated, working girl from a high class rich family! ;) ;) ;)

    Romba too much, illaya?!

    ...and, wishing you the very best to find your "perfect girl". But, students should pass their exams first!! Ahem ahem...

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  2. I know Shalini, been reading a lot of weird matrimonials recently.. hilarious really.
    And hey, add any possible questions that you can think of.. any category, anything that doesnt fit by normal standards..

    As for exams, this is the problem.. during these times only, all these kind of crazy jokes come up in the head !!!

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  3. "..hands of some topless dude who’s throwing seashells on a table and deciding my fate by reading them.."

    at least the dude's in front of you and throwing seashells on a table 'nes damn sure what 'eis doing. Yet you seem to go with the invisible, flowing bearded, heh-heh, no undies dude playing dice up there. what gives? :)

    and tell your friend if he really wants to find backbencher mates, matrimonial sites arent the place to look for.

    psst... was looking for one myself, but guileless that i am....

    the world is unforgiving i tell ya. and us innocents are at their mercy. beware.

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  4. I still have smile on my face.... :) gr8 profiles i must say :P

    And question from my side:

    1.The guy should not be an encyclopedia.No IEEE standards plzzzzzz.(-100. if he talks technical stuff day & night)

    2.He should not show off his MNC funded blackberry and macbook.(-50. you are not the only one who owns these gadgets)

    3.I don't know cooking, I am a boy you see. (-200. I can see that very well u lazy boy)

    thats it for now :P

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  5. hah hah hah

    didn't know anesthesiologists write well too!!

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  6. maxaud, you got a point mate.. actually two. As for the last bit, gee.. you really enjoy sleeping on the couch or what ?

    Sweta, Good ones.. will add to list.. keep me coming.

    Varsha, I'm an anaesthesiologist ? damn !! thats what they're all telling me to study for !!!

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  7. hehe..chill ur a doc..will def get a good girl since v stubborn girls dont prefer us!!:P

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  8. lol! that is seriously hilarious! :D

    im sure such a questionnaire would be much more appreciated!

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  9. Too funny!! Reminded me of the matrimonial ads when my Dadwas searching for a groom for me :)

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  10. Brocasarea, yes.. after all, I am a down to earth astronaut who enjoys being kickboxed every day :)

    Sunshine.. I know. I figure it would be too !!

    Nm, hope u got something better than this !!

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  11. Someone once forwarded me one of these profiles where it described the girl as clean-shaven. I don't know what the heck they meant by it... but that sure was interesting.

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  12. LOL That's why they say u should 'catch them young'. College/school or even kindergarten :P Check the girls in the backbench who sleeps ;) And one more advantage u can groom them the way u want :)

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  13. Johnie, Hmm.. that gave me a good idea for a point to add to list.. hehe

    Dhanya, trust me, I did.. only thing it worked out in reverse ... started getting groomed into something weird !!!

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  14. I am not a class topper,love bunking work to go out for movies, enjoy night strolls and pani puris rather than expensive dinners, love to cuddle, makes an excellent Malabari biryani NOT and think daschunds are weird looking but still super-cute...!!!! ;P

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  15. Nairita.. so close yet so far.. if only u had the Malabari biryani thing nailed :)

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  16. hilarious post :)

    My brother actually put a similar questionnaire to his prospective bride.. He had only two questions...

    1. Are you a fan of the TV show, "Seinfeld"?

    2. Can you cook "vankaayi pacchi pulusu" (Andhra style preparation of "brinjal in tamarind gravy")in 20 mins?

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  17. ultimate g2.. this is exactly the kind of stuff im talkin abt !! Get ur bro and friends to add more of the same !!

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  18. Haha. Damn good - came across your post cuz i was researching on something similar. Not for matrimonial purposes though :D

    Also, do you give free medical advice if we become subscribers. Plz?

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  19. Khamba, I give free medical advice to everyone.. of course, my advice may not necessarily be in ur best interests :D

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  20. Hahaha.... Really enjoyed this one Roshan sir :-D
    Thank goodness I didn't have to go through matrimonial to get married :-D

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Let me know what you think.