In the last few weeks, I have come face to face with a side of humanity that I never thought existed. I have had to encounter a vileness that defies definition. 

I have met people who would literally pimp their daughters to their own family members and then defend the act as one of 'normalcy.' I have seen people who would sell their children and their reputations for the sake of money.

I have watched family members go beyond petty internal squabbles and descend into outright lies to destroy the other. They would probably not remember what the original fight was about - was it about getting the smaller scoop of icecream as a child, I wonder -but that hatred has bubbled over into an vitriolic rage over decades and now threatens the next generation of innocent kids.

And I have been caught in the circle of these lies for being the little kid who, like in the fairy tale, pointed out the fact noone else was willing to admit - "That the emperor has no clothes." 

It has made me question everything I believe in. Whether being good is worth it. Whether all that matters is power and money. Whether there is a price for which everyone can be bought. 
I almost believe there is, now. Almost. 


You see, the fact is that all this coincided with friends of my past reappearing. People from eons ago who never met each other have all resurfaced simultaneously and shown me the image of myself that they still remember me by.

It is fragments of a paper I thought I'd lost : 
- The studious child I was in school who topped classes and had nerdy spectacles.  
- The high school kid who would learn physics the hard way... but also find love.  
- The college boy who wrote books about his friends in a dissection hall and allowed himself to be dressed like a crazy beggar and sing on stage in front of the entire college for a few points in the cultural events. 
- The crush from long ago who was still remembered fondly by the girl.  
- The post graduate whose juniors still remember him as the guy they could turn to at any hour of the day for guidance and who never once shouted at them. 
- The teachers who were genuinely happy to see him again and were proud to show him off to others as 'their student' 
- Retiring doctors who saw fond glimpses of their youth in him and told him never to give up my ideals and beliefs. 

These are all snippets of an unfinished picture. I can choose to fall to the level of the former crowd and become one of them. Or I can remember the memories of true friendship that made me a believer in 'being good'.

I can choose wealth as my love... or love as my wealth.

I choose to see what the final picture is of a portrait that has been in the works for over 3 decades. I have a choice... and I choose to care. 

P.S. : For a blog with the name God in it that has been online for 6 years now, I don't think I've ever typed these words out in a non-sarcastic manner before, but today I do. And I mean every one of these three words.
THANK YOU, GOD.
I was having a crisis. Thanking you for sending me angels.   

23 Comments

Suruchi said…
And I am sure you have made and will make the right choice now Doc...
and the fact that you are thanking God, makes me believe you are also at peace:-)

I guess troubled times have ebbed and flown over...the calm awaits..keep the faith and love as your wealth....all the best!
Alka Gurha said…
Some similar questions are bothering me too. And I havent found the answers yet.. I am glad that angels are the source of peace for you.
Nisha said…
We live in two different worlds. One that we have created for ourselves and the other that has an ugly face. I thank God everyday for his blessings and pray for a better world around us.
Seeing how things are shaping around us in the last few years, there is little hope :(
Rohan said…
I hope its over and you made peace with it!! Dude testing times are there in all of our lives, it just gives us a chance to know how good we are!
During crisis, after a crisis or when you're perfectly happy with no traces of a crisis - any time is good to thank God. Like Suruchi said, hope troubled waters have subsided and you're happy now. And yes, choosing love as your wealth is the best option.
sunbyanyname said…
Good and thought-provoking post. Being grateful for God's blessings is one way to make yourself eligible for more
Leo Paw said…
I'm currently going through a similar crisis. I've no clue where it is taking me to. praying for things to settle soon.
All the best to you. And yes, plz do remind the angels that there is poor soul waiting here as well. :)
Meety said…
Emotional crisis... one inevitable part of life which keeps recurring.. no matter how hard to try to run away from it... hold on... be strong and be prepared for the next one :D
Nirvana said…
They say character is forged when put through trials by fire. And most of us scoff at these kind of rants. But I have learnt that it is indeed the tough times and the choice of decisions that one makes during these trials that determines who you actually are! And I have been told by a reliable source :) that you come out in flying colors each time!
alka narula said…
very well written,indeed the world today is basically rotten hell..am glad you did find your peace:)
Dr Roshan R said…
Suruchi, troubled times havent ebbed in anyway.. the status quo only remains... but I guess I'm more in control now. Closer to what I once was.

Alka Gurha, search... a helping hand may be right beside you.
Dr Roshan R said…
Nisha, it is true..it seems for a long time, I felt like as I was living in a snow globe unaware of how cheap and dirty minded people can be... now my eyes have been forced wide open.
Dr Roshan R said…
Anita , troubled waters stil exist.. dont see any sign of the tide going down.. but I just feel vindicated for my stand.. knowing I did the right thing when it wasnt easy.

Sunbyanyname, I hope so sir.

LeoPaw, feel free to vent out your woes. You'll find friends still exist.
Dr Roshan R said…
Meety.. "be prepared for the next one".. I know thats meant to be inspirational, but you have no idea how scary that is :)

Nirvana, your source may be exaggerating a wee bit. Lets see.

Alka, ya.. me too
Sumana said…
Beauty..Well written..
And u deserve all the praise :)

Though I have not met u in person , just by ur writings my image of Roshan also falls same categories as of your friends..
Reflections said…
I'm going thru a situation myself and ur words strike a chord... I too am thanking Him all the time:-).
Dr Roshan R said…
Sumana, Thanks. That means a lot more than you can imagine. Because I always wanted to be known for my own deeds and not the deeds of others...

Reflections, have courage... thats what people tell me.
$$ said…
remember - "even this will pass away", swami chinmayananda!

"Hari Om" once again! :p
Dr Roshan R said…
SS, believe me.. I have heard that phrase a lot these days.. and it really is comforting, in its own way.
geeth said…
Glad that you are having God in your thoughts in whatever you do.. Go on with what you think is right.. and you will be guided by the angels of God.
Dr Roshan R said…
geeth, I certainly hope so...
Unknown said…
It's a terrifying scenario all around and it may sound very pessimistic if me....but it's gonna get all the ore worse...we have to thank God for each day that passes safely and pray for those who have to face atrocities all over India!!

- Mel
my faith is no doubt weak today.. the number of betrayals that I have seen.. the number of backstabbings.. it has taken its toll.