So I tried to make Snoopy a guard dog this month...

That elixir of knowledge, Wikipedia, defines a guard dog as "a dog used to guard against, and watch for, unwanted or unexpected people or animals."

I thought I would start his training with something simple so I set him off with the stray cats that roam around our house premises. As you can see, in the initial forays, he proved to be quite excellent at it and would track down any cat and chase him/her out of the house. But then slowly, I started to see a pattern.

dog Godyears beagle
Be gone, vile creature! The bones are for me...
meeee, I tell ya!

The cat and her kitten were returning back and were even more confident this time around. How was that possible when the house had the best anti-cat security measure in Snoopy? The more I looked into it, the more I started to suspect that bribes had been given to him by the cats to look the other way. I mean, literally, look the other way!!
You don't believe me? See the photographic evidence below of him pointing out 'where the cat has run off to' and tell me if you realize why I'm starting to get a little suspicious.

dog Godyears beagle Snoopy
"Roshan! He went that-a-way!"
"Umm... Snoopy? Are you sure?"

So I decided to take a different attitude: I enforced upon him the proud legacy of the beagle breed and how they were once the Queen's guard dogs. That seemed to catch his interest (I wouldn't go so far as to say it raised his ears though... if you know beagles, you know that's not gonna happen.)
To further his knowledge, I gave him the remote control of the TV and told him to watch documentaries from the History Channel while I was away at work. 
I should have turned on the "Child Lock" feature in my television because when I came back, he was glued to the television sit watching a Game of Thrones marathon! Now I have to fight with him for the television remote as well, especially when his show timings clash with my shows like Keeping Up With the Kardashian Honey Boo Boo Chota Bheem news.   
dog Godyears beagle Snoopy
"So wait a minute! If Tyrion did not kill Joffrey, who did?!"

Since he was proving to be a horrible student, I decided to take him to the gym to hone his attacking skills. We procured a life-size rottweiler punching bag to bring out his inner ferocious animals instincts.

dog Godyears beagle Snoopy
Initial tests were very positive as he defeated
the inanimate doll... 3-2.
  Encouraged by this, I decided to let him have his first battle against the beast... the doberman of the house, Victor. It did not go as planned.

dog Godyears beagle Snoopy
Victor: This is a joke, right?
Snoopy: Wait! The other black dog did not move as much as this!
Victor: Did you just call me "Black"????

dog Godyears beagle Snoopy
Finally, after working out a compromise between the two where I had to buy Victor larger dog bones so that he would not chew Snoopy, I resigned myself to the fact that this guy would never be a great guard dog.
On the other hand, he did turn out to be a pretty good movie reviewer. He would sit up late every night for watching movies. Of course, being a Britisher at heart, he obviously did not appreciate the silly histrionics of Malayalam cinema and found the movies I enjoyed boring. But then, it did not matter since the family found him adorable even when he slept I mean, come on! Even his style of falling asleep on the couch was more regal than mine!

dog Godyears beagle Snoopy meme
Wake me up if there is a Woody Allen film!

With all efforts to convert him into a guard dog having failed, I turned in my findings to the seniors of the house certain that they would have him sent to the kennel and I would be top dog of the house again.
That's when 'the news' came in.
Snoopy had won in the recent blogging contest! In fact, He had taken home the highest monetary prize the blog had ever won in nine years. From that point on, all attempts by me to sabotage his place in the family was purely a waste of time.

In the end, the family unanimously decided that I should do night duty at the house, running around and chasing cats to earn my food. This would allow Snoopy to devote his time and energy to write for all contests on Godyears so that the blog would stand an ACTUAL chance of winning contests, apparently.
He gets to lounge on his favourite couch and watch any show he pleases while eating KFC. When he's in a good mood, he even tosses scraps out the door and watches from the window with an evil grin as I and Victor battle for the KFC popcorn.
He found his true calling: the transition from guard dog to couch dog is now complete...

dog Godyears beagle Snoopy meme
In Dog we Trust.


Ritika T said…
This post made my day Roshan and I really mean it ! Snoopy is just adorable, I mean come on.. he watches Game of Thrones..Will you ask him who he thinks is Jon Snow's mother ? :P

My mother never allowed to have dogs and now that I live on my own, I don't have anyone who could take care of the dog while I am out the whole day... But now, I really want to get a dog if not for anything then those cute doodly eyes
Nabanita said…
he watches Game of Thrones! wow that was the high point of this post for me :)
Carol Graham said…
What fun - I loved it. And of course, the soft spot in my heart is for Dobies. Sorry, Snoopy. Thoroughly enjoyed this Roshan
This made my day too ! THIS:
Victor: This is a joke, right?
Snoopy: Wait! The other black dog did not move as much as this!
Victor: Did you just call me "Black"????

Anonymous said…
He is adorable!!! I miss a dog and I badly want one! I'm buttering my hubby to get me one! Is he a Beagle? Anyway, thanks for sharing the post!
Nisha said…
A dog is a man's best friend - Snoopy proved this right by allowing you to win contest through him!!! All hail Snoopy!!!
Richa Singh said…
Such sweetness this post is :D Loved the pictures and the narration :D

Glad it brought a smile to your face, Ritika :) Mission accomplished for Snoopy, I guess.
For the record, he claims that Jon Snow's mother is Optimus Prime... I don't think he understands the plot as well as you imagine. Either that or he fell asleep during an episode of Got and woke up during an HBO rerun of Transformers.
Somehow, find yourself into that position where you can have a dog around the house for yourself - it will be the best investment for selfless love you will make in this lifetime.
Don't ask me how much he understands... refer to my reply to Ritika for further clarification :)
haha... Victor is an actual cool kid, honestly. He and Snoopy are best buds in real life :)
hehe... ironic that these dogs are racist!! I thought they were colour blind! :)
Yes.. he is a beagle... and yes! You really need to get one for unlimited fun :)
He's becoming more demanding now... walks around with cooling glasses in the morning and demands imported Evian water to drink.
Haha.. glad you liked it Richa :)

Nethra A said…
Awww...He is so cute and naughty.
Laurel Regan said…
Love this! Snoopy is adorable.
**forgot to add the winkie**
Anonymous said…
Absolutely hilarious - Snoopy is sooo cute!!! :) His looks are silly and 'I won!" most of the times! :)
Rachna said…
Snoopy is so adorable. Really! And he makes you win contests. Wow :-). I will ask Coco to help as well ;-).
Oh trust me!! that he is... that he is.
He is a fun chap, that's for sure...
haha... you can try but you won't be able to surpass the "Snoopy" level of 'cool'!
That is there... he doesn't have that concept of 'losing' ... just takes it as a new challenge :)
Yes, yes!! Release the Coco! :D
Red Handed said…
I am now planning to kidnap that adorable little being....SNOOPY ALE ALE ALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Rajlakshmi said…
hahaha the one with Victor is absolutely hilarious!!! Oh dear I just can't stop laughing :D
Snoppy is the cutest dog everrrrr :D look at that face...
loved your compilation too :D
Wait in line :) I can see a whole buncha ladies in here who want to get the little fella'
P.S. Aren't you, like, a member of the law and all that ? :p
Thanks Rajlakshmi.
They are actually a hilarious team together and get along really well...
Aditi said…
This was so fun!! Oh my!! Snoopy is so adorable and your narrative made this an incredible read! And congrats to the both of you on winning the contest!
Anonymous said…
This is a superb post sir :-D Not the just the post, but even the captions below the pics just made my day! :-D
Anonymous said…
This is a superb post sir :-D Not the just the post, but even the captions below the pics just made my day! :-D
Pankti Mehta said…
LOL...nice one.
Thanks Aditi :)
And yes, I (not Snoopy) had a major hand in writing that contest entry...
What? Why doesn't anyone believe me!?
Glad you enjoyed it Ryan :)
Sumana said…
intelligent Snoopy :)
Oh... That he definitely is!
glad u enjoyed it Ryan :)