Mar 29, 2014

Unrelenting...



She stared at the young man, moving rhythmically on top of the girl and her frown deepened. She couldn’t allow herself to be distracted by the family members waiting outside, angry at not being let in. She needed to focus. She watched as he continued pressing down upon her tiny frame and in her gut, she felt the girl’s heart begin to heal.
“Stop.” She said. He did as he was told and she turned to the defibrillator, watching the squiggles start to form rhythmic waves.
Dr Afreen suppressed a smile and nodded at the paramedic. The child would live.

   
 Author's note: This is my take on WriteTribe's "100 words on Saturday" prompt which must feature the sentence "S/He felt her/his heart begin to heal…………"
100 Words on Saturday - Write Tribe

64 comments:

  1. Oh that was outstanding! You had me raising my eyebrows at the first few lines and I was so tempted to read further ;) And yay! You configured the \twitter handle!!

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    1. Thanks. That was the plan. To confuse the readers and see if I could bring a twist within 100 words.. And yes, finally! Twitter configured.

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  2. Aha! That was a brilliant one!! Didn't see it coming at all, in fact, I was wondering where was this leading!! :D

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    1. Haha.. Good to see I can still lead the reader along.. :)

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  3. This is fabulous! Very creatively told story.

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  4. It took ma breath away, Doc. Stunning:)
    He understood that some people can be a part of your history but never your destiny!

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    1. Umm.. Are you sure this comment was meant for this story??

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  5. Oh Sid, this was an anti climax. People's imagination was running riot.!

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  6. Ohh you tricked me into thinking this was going somewhere else! Very nice :)

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    1. That was the plan.. To see what to do with 100 words!

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  7. The beginning tricked me into thinking something else :D Good one :)

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    1. That was very much the intention :D

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  8. As I keep telling you, you should write more fiction! It's really good and the first few lines give a totally different idea. . ;-)
    And I know this intern who will be very happy reading this. .

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    1. so long pal.. remember the old Amberville days. Seems like ages ago. And yes, I can imagine she will now be acting like a prima donna during her internship, wearing shades and doing her fingernails all the time :D

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    2. High time you revisit Amberville. . ;-)

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    3. believe me... a part off me really does want to. just don't have any ideas in the old cranium :)

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  9. BRILLIANT! What a story and what a storytelling! Really a great take on the prompt!

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    1. Thank you.. glad you enjoyed it

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  10. Oh ..wow ! Awesome ...reading the first few lines I never imagined the ending to be like this :)

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    1. Wanted to see what I could do with 100 words... my first time at it here on WT

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  11. Ooh, nice twist :). Well written, doc!

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  12. Take a Bow, Doc ! (Namichu....thozhuthu :D )
    So many words playing around, and trying to fool us into thinking what is not :D
    Superbly told, and medically infotaining.
    I'm off to learn more medical terms now ( defribillator and all :D )

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    1. haha... glad to see i could fool so many people.. what better joy for the writer :D

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  13. Wow..... your plan is completely successful... What a turn!

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    1. Thanks Karanth :) Yes. I can see it worked on a few here

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  14. Brilliant! Such a hopeful story :)

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    1. Thanks Myriad :) Yes... its actually something I used to see regularly...

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  15. Great story. Well written

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  16. The play with words really lent this post shock value. What a twist, and one that ends on a happy note :)

    Brilliant.

    Thanks to you and good old google, I got to know what a defibrillator is :p

    Cheers
    CRD

    Do drop by mine. Updated only last night :)

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    1. Good to see u again here.. and yes, will drop by now.

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  17. Thank heavens! It ended the way it did. A nifty little tale.

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    1. Haha.. I think I shocked a few ppl with the beginning there :) sadly the truth is doctors do get beaten up when relatives mistake cpr for molesting the patient.. How they could imagine that is beyond me

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  18. And you just twisted my thoughts into something totally opposite with that climax. Hhahah what brilliance!

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    1. Thanks Red.. Have seen the negative side of it.. Ppl mistaking a doc's efforts for molesting.. That's why the play on words works I guess

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  19. A brilliant twist! brilliant!

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  21. Haha.. you had us hooked with the initial lines ;) Brilliant

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    1. Thanks Jyotsna :) that was the idea

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  22. Thumbs up as usual, Doc!!

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    1. Thanks Renuka.. Glad u enjoyed it

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  23. This post has been selected for the Tangy Tuesday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

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    1. Thanks Blogadda.. That makes it all the more special

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  24. Boy was that a good read or what! Amazing. :)

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    1. Thanks Abhishek.. Glad u liked it

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  25. Haha..good one..juicy start :)

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    1. Thanks... and yes, I guess it was :D

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  26. Thank God! You had me worried at the start, Roshan. Very well written!

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    1. Haha... I've written some dark stories in the past. So don't rule it out in the future :) But for now , just happy to play with words...

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  27. Cheeky one aren't you. Just like the way you think.

    Great post.....for want of better words.
    Health and Happiness always.
    http://inderpreetkaur.blogspot.in/2014/04/color-not-kind-i-like.html

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  28. Very creative. Loved the twist in so little words.

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  29. Ohhh.. the start lead me on a different path and the end was way more "family-oriented." Something that we always expect from you! Great post.. 100 words and Blogadda recognition too. Awesome..

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    1. haha.. the start was meant to do that... lead you astray :D

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  30. Superb sir! best way to compel readers to read till the end ;) (pun intended)

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    1. Hahaha... thanks Meghana. Glad it kept you intrigued.

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  31. The frailty of life :)
    A nice take!

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