Take a Bow.

by - October 12, 2006

Hi. The present owner of this blog is missing in action so I guess it's up to me to keep the posts coming. My name's Ruby..I'm a 5'2(cms),Indian babe.Along with deep brown eyes,I have a cute long nose,an amazing blonde mane of hair..oh ya.That's me in the pic.
Well, I know how boring it must be listening to the owner ( I call him HE-WHO-HAS-NO-BUSHY-TAIL) rant on and on about everything under the sun. I also know that he keeps mentioning how blessed I am to be in 'his house' cause I'm treated like a Princess. Well, it's time the truth came out.

A dog's life is hard, you know. Sleeping in the master bedroom besides the 'the-NICE-TAILLESS-ONES", I'm always at risk of getting stamped on when they wake up. There are nights when I don't even get my second blanket and have to make do with just the one.And the food ? There are some days I dont even get mooooo/baaaa meat!! There can't be a shortage..Heck,I see the damn HORNy-ONES walking past the gate daily. I'll drag the damn things in, if thats the problem.
Anyway, coming to today..there I was minding my own business when along comes the MAN-NICE-TAILLESS-ONE. Don't get me wrong.He's nice and all, but there are times when a dog needs her own private time, you know.I tried hiding but somehow he found me. I don't get it. I hide in the perfect dark spot still there he is a second later.A magician, really.

Anyway,we sat down to watch Tv.I'm not much of a Tv fan. It's just sound and flickering lights to me.But I wasn't ready to let him have the couch all to himself..sure, I'd be willing to share.He can be very persuasive- especially with that cane in his hand.So there I was,drifting off to zzzland when suddenly it happened.I heard a sound emanating from the kitchen. I turned around..ow ow. neck sprain. No wait. There it was again. I'd heard the fridge door open.
Confirmatory test ..sniffffffff! Oh yah!! Sweet smell of Fooood!! Wriggling out of the MAN-NICE-TAILLESS-ONE's paws, I encountered the WOMAN-NICE-TAILLESS-ONE in the kitchen.Shame on her. She was trying to eat without giving me my share..Duh!Do these TAILLESS ONES really imagine they can get past me?I mean, do you think these noses are meant to be an umbrella holder? We smell 50 times stronger than you!!! Why do you forget the basics! Anyway, I asked her politely..my paw on her right paw. She thinks I'm shaking hands. Actually, I'm just making sure she can't use that paw to put food in her mouth. It's easy to fool humans once you learn the art.

She shared her food. They all do,in the end. What can I say..I'm irresistable. Anyway, it was some mooooo/baaaa meatless thing, but I still ate. As our great Kennel club Communist CHAIRMAN BOW once said - 'Bide your time and meat will come'.Not eactly a clasic, but hey! He died of rabies,Dog bless his soul, so what did you expect? Shakespeare??

Anyway, once dinner was over,it was time for PLAN-B. Dessert. Damn. The WOMAN-NICE-TAILLESS-ONE wasn't having any. I tried whining. It's an age old ploy.Sometimes you have to go with the classics.She looked at me..I did the 'your paw on my paw' routine and wagged my tail..that's my sign that I'll be good ( ya right,till the meal ends!!! )

She started doing something on the table. I could hear her ...ummm, maybe mooo meat ? A whole baaa-meat ? 2 ? My imagination ran wild...'Hey!Hey! You want some help up there? You want me to hold it's legs down?"

She didn't answer. That's something funny I noticed too. You expect us to understand when you TAILLESS ones speak..yet when we speak, you hardly ever mind us. What's the deal with that? Just one Dr Doolittle in a populaton full of ya! I tried bringing up the issue with the SPCA & in Kennel Club meetings...but not one human understands what I'm saying. And it's sad,you know. Because we have the answers to all the questions in the universe ( we're not just a pretty face, no sirreee ) entrusted to us by HE-WHO-RULES-THE-SKIES-AND-MAKES-TREES-WE-PEE-ON. ( It's a long name, but then, which species has a person named THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE??) What do you think we're doing at midnight howling our asses off..revising, of course!!

Finally! The sound of something hitting the water tub up there where she cleans dishes. That can mean only one thing..she's finished my dish. I started wagging again at full speed. Wag..wag wag..wag wag wag. It always makes them happy seeing me wag my tail. I hear for humans its the same everywhere- whether its my butt or J Lo's, they love to see it shake..but thats a different story. She put the food in a plate and I sniffed..waita minute!! No! Snifffffff!! No way! I looked at the contents.

Bread, butter, jam?? Are you kidding me? Do I look like a cat!?!Who do you think I am ? HE-WHO-HAS-NO-BUSHY-TAIL!!?! I won't eat this muck. I considered biting her..but naa, I settled for just stopping the tail wag. After all, there'll be meat tomorrow.There'd better be. Or else, she'd find her neatly folded clothes in front of the yard.Again. I mean, I work day and night as guard dog, roll over, chase bugs and mice and jump hoops..and this is the thanks I get. I'd brought up the issue with my neighbour Brownie and he told me not to feel bad. It seems humans do the same thing. Something about a show called Fear Factor..whatever that is.

And so, I headed back to my guard station..That was a few hours ago.Its almost midnight now and I have to be online at 2am. Yes, we do surf the net..and yes, that's what we've been doing when you see us come out of the computer room. Who else did you think ordered the "Best of Lassie" DVDs for $78.95/- only? Just because you guys don't wanna know the right answers to the universal questions (what is life ? where did we come from ? Is there life on other planets ? Why did the chicken cross the road ? How many Buddhist monks does it really take to fix a bulb ? What happened to Mamta Kulkarni ? ) doesn't mean we mustn't spread the answers to others who do.

How do we do it..simple. Make a fake id and login to orkut of course. Then spread the word in different breeds (what you guys call communities ). It seems to work. People actually believe I'm a hot oriental with big ears..which is partly true, I guess. Though they wonder about my likes ( smelly, hairy animals ?), dislikes ( taking a bath ? ) and favourite books ( they all taste the same).

Anyway,till it becomes 2am, I guess I'll stick to my "so called" main duties.. to be the guardian of this mansion, defender against mice, protector of the NICE-TAILLESS-ONES, saviour of the zzzz.....

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  1. tickled me crazy..
    u are good dude

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. gotta accept that you have the skill....when you make it as a writer do remember us poor folks

  4. heyy tht was a real chweet post...actually got me wondering if my doggie calls me "the tailless one"...;p

  5. this one simply calls for a lawl!! :p

    kewl one.. wid cute pics!


Let me know what you think.