It's roundhouse kick time...

by - October 13, 2009

A long time back, I'd made a couple of fun compilations , namely THE STELLAS and BUSHISMS. They were based on various quirks of well, the law and Bush, respectively. Recently, I came across this awesome parody site on Chuck Norris. To those of you who know him, there's no need to explain. But to the others, well, just think of ol' Chuck as Hollywood's version of Rajnikant when it comes to being the 'DA MAAN of the movie'.Of course, mind you, he really is a martial arts expert besides being an actor. Anyway, I had a blast reading these facts. Just thought I'd share them with you.

  • In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  • When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.
  • Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion in the Matrix , now Neo is "The Two"
  • Chuck Norris is the only human being whose iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord.
  • Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was too scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
  • When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
  • Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
  • Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
  • Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
  • Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
  • When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
  • Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
  • If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
  • Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
  • One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
  • Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
  • Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
  • Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
  • Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  • Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  • If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
  • Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
  • They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
  • Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. Because there is only one King.

P.S. There's no use Googling for Chuck Norris, because Google knows you don't find Chuck Norris. He finds you.

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7 comments

  1. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

    loved this... and the bit abt google, yesh! CN finds u.. :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

    had a great fun reading it..
    couldn't resist googling Chuck Norris..!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good one...do u see Chuck after your published the blog...LIFE ON MARS STUFF WAS GOOD.Had fun reading.this was ur 1st blog i read. how about chuck vs our very ex-prin "GOLD" .

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ankita, I know.

    Rat, hehe :)

    Sir, beware the unexpected roundhouse kick.

    Shihas, we ought to have made Gold jokes like this !!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey Roshan,

    Haven't you watched Wake Up Sid? Looking forward to reading your review about the movie.

    Cheers,
    Smilie

    ReplyDelete
  6. ROFL, LMFAO, LOL and all the rest...

    New genre for me...

    ReplyDelete

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