God is in the fine print

by - July 06, 2011

Bad grades got you down ?
Worried about what to do after school ?
Afraid you'll never be a millionaire by 30 or have orgies with women of every nationality ?

Look no further. The Divine People's Society for Hoarding Illegal Treasures ( DiPSHIT ) degree is for you.

Welcome to a university unlike any your boring doctor and engineer relatives ever attended.
Here at AmmababaGuruSriSriOptimusPrimeThorChipmunks University, we do not just nurture talent, we nurture divinity.
Yes, that's right. Why be HUman when you can be a GODman ?

Spread over 100s of acres of land donated to our trust fund, the AmmababaGuruSriSriOptimusPrimeThorChipmunks University has been successfully creating Godmen who are internationally famous in India only for the last 8 decades. Our courses deal in depth with all that it takes to become God and attain  materialistic moksha without climbing mountains and praying for decades. Every year, 100s of new Babas and babes babis Godwomen pass out from our unique and prestigious university and go forth to become pioneers in their respective villages.


Our curriculum spans 3 years of your life and benefits you for decades to come. The topics you will learn on your road to enlightenment include :

Year 1 :
01.Growing a thick beard (males) / thin moustache ( females )   
02. Sanskrit - defunct but religiously uber cool.
03. Closing eyes and sitting in yoga poses without falling asleep.
04. Loving Saffron - the awesomest colour in the whole wide world.
05. Giving up materialistic desires. ( How to part devotees from their money. )

Year 2 :
01. FwF ( Fasting without Fasting : 100 ways to sneak food and eat without getting caught by devotees )
02. Spiritual instruments towards attaining nirvana ( Tantric sex toys provided by college. )
03. Haute couture ( The art of men wearing a dress and not looking like a transvestite. )
04. Rural posting ( Identifying barren lands to grow ganja. )
05. Religious intolerance ( Special guest lectures by Vadapav G, author of "Who converted my Cheese" and Swamy Fatlady Singh, author of "The f***ing Jew who sold me a Ferrari at 80 % interest plus tax : a true story." )

Year 3 :
01. Advanced yoga ( The easy way to bite your toenails )
02. Religious whachamacallits ( Talking stuff that everyone knows, but making it sound spiritual. Guest lectures by 1984 alumni Skydiver Baba, author of 'My poop and your poop and everyone's poop all goes back to Mother Earth eventually.' )
03. Holy Magic ( making ash, amulets, rings. Guest lectures by Chris Angel on 'Card tricks for the Las Vegas Godman' )
04. Global love ( Countries without extradition treaties to India & Tax haven nations. - Updated to 2011.)


Still unsure ? Listen to these stories of success from previous graduates.

"I was just a guy who got thrown out of school for winking a lot. But thanks to AmmababaGuruSriSriOptimusPrimeThorChipmunks University, I managed to convince some foreign hoochi mamas that their weight loss was due to my breathing exercises and not the castor oil I used to add in their food. They gave me an island for free. Woo Hoo !! Now I just say I can cure anything in the world with breathing exercises... if that doesn't work, then they can try my nonfat, non cholesterol, non veg ayurveda stuff." - Bbdev@gurumail.com

"AmmababaGuruSriSriOptimusPrimeThorChipmunks University changed my life forever. I can never look at  feather dusters, handcuffs and hot candle wax as inanimate objects ever again. " - Swami Niths.


So what are you waiting for ?
HURRY. If your dad or current girlfriend's dad has the money, hurry and register with us.
HURRY. Join us and change your destiny forever. 
HURRY, before it's too late.
HURRY. Become unique like the rest of us.
Get your Divine People's Society for Hoarding Illegal Treasures degree today and become a DIPSHIT for life.

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18 comments

  1. "HURRY. Become unique like the rest of us."

    Toooo goood!!!

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  2. LOL!

    Unfortunately, the joke's on us...and not em conmen

    Cheers
    CRD

    do visit mine
    www.scriptedinsanity.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL...i seriously wish some Godman gets to read this ! Well how are primary school dropouts goin 2 read English anyway? :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ankita, thanks.

    CRD, true... the joke is really on us.

    Anita, Yeah.. theres a limit to wishful thinking.

    ReplyDelete
  5. How to apply there?? I want to be a billionaire in a year!! Dat would be possible no?r!! Dat would be possible no?

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  6. Just loved it!! Terrific post. "Babes/babis/Godwomen" - mindblowing stuff. Cant stop laughing!

    ReplyDelete
  7. harman, thanks man.

    Rohan, get in line dude. And as for billionaire stuff, u better have some killer Usp... And by that I mean, a Usp involving killing devotees after fleecing them. And as for billionaire stuff, u better have some killer Usp... And by that I mean, a Usp involving killing devotees after fleecing them.

    ReplyDelete
  8. harman, thanks man.

    Rohan, get in line dude. And as for billionaire stuff, u better have some killer Usp... And by that I mean, a Usp involving killing devotees after fleecing them. And as for billionaire stuff, u better have some killer Usp... And by that I mean, a Usp involving killing devotees after fleecing them.

    ReplyDelete
  9. nirvana, well... If the shoe fits... I think the swamis oughta wear it, right ?

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  10. Roshan...super duper cute*I mean the post by the way, but any similarity to you is not accidental n very much intentional*

    I loooooooooooove your humour posts...no one shakes them up like you do...and this is the "baba" of them all;-)

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  11. Lol!! ultimate...
    'My poop and your poop and everyone's poop all goes back to Mother Earth eventually' ha ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  12. Suruchi.. thanks..and thanks :)

    Meety, don't worry.. I'm sure it'll be a big budget movie soon :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Super post..!! Well written.. love ur writting..u write amazingly well..! i am new to blgger.. read ur blog.. found it interesting.. so following u..!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Roshan....... congats on making the longlist for Urban Shots! And all the best!

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  15. DocPanacea, welcome to blogging..hope u have a great time :)

    Nirvana, thanks.. keeping fingers crossed ...

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  16. This is funny :), are GodMan is in first place in the list of dream jobs in india..?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have no idea :) It's better than being CEO of Apple or Microsoft - unlimited cash, no need to justify it either, free fan following.. what more can you ask for ? :D

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