That white lady's lost it !!

Dr Roshan Radhakrishnan
I've watched Simi Garewal since Rendezvous with Simi Garewal first aired in 1997. I loved the poise and dignity with which she conducted that show; the picture-perfect sets, the immaculate dressing and that amazing poise of the lady in white. She really turned the style quotient up. Which is why, watching her in India's Most Desirable, I almost feel like shooting the creative directors/producers behind the show. I mean seriously !?! What were you guys thinking ?

Where do I even begin ? Oh ya, let's start with the nymphomaniac alter ego. Whose idea was it to have this 63 year old lady behave like a cringy 6 year old girl called Kiki ? KIKI !!?? Was there a shortage of flirty-girl names that you decided to use the name of what I presume was an Angry Bird mating call ?

And flirting with Ranbir and Shahid Kapoor with that voice...ewwww !! How would you feel if you had Amitabh Bachchan biting his lower lip seductively and telling Kareena Kapoor "Big B loves you, baby. Come sit on my lap like you used to when you were a kid" in a similarly childish voice. Forget the Big B,I can't think of a single incidence in real life where that works ( Wives have to put up with their husbands behaving like immature kids due to that mangal sutra, so that doesn't count. )
Watching her talk like that made me feel dirty. I swear, if my parents walked in on me watching Kiki, I'd rather defend myself saying I was watching porn !! ( cough.. cough.. whatever that is. )

I'm also sure getting a skin care brand to sponsor the show of a 63 year old who's trying to be a 6 year old was a brilliant idea, but you know what ? The more I see it, the more I realise the long silences as Simi stares at her guest aren't meant to be poignant pauses...they're just her jaw muscles trying unsuccessfully to fight the botox and show a smile.

And what happened to the dresses ? She used to look majestic in the earlier show. Now she looks like she's got the same tailor as Cruella De Ville from the 101 Dalmations movie !
If you're running out of white dresses to create for her, may I make a suggestion ? Go for the classics. Cut two small holes in a white bedsheet and make her wear it over her head. That, along with the expressionless smile underneath would make her a shoo-in if they decide to make another sequel to THE GRUDGE.

Of course, getting a crowd along was a brilliant idea. Hey, if it worked for Oprah, why wouldn't it work here ? I just don't get why so many of today's MALE youth feel the need to hug the likes of Shahid and John Abraham. I would readily hug a Sonam Kapoor or an Anushka Sharma, but I don't see myself asking to hug Siddharth Mallya ( kudos to whoever decided he's India's Most Desirable, by the way. When's Rahul Mahajan coming on ? )  Also, I'm not trying to stir a controversy or suggest anything, but why didn't anyone hug Karan Johar ? The guy was genuinely feeling down at times and speaking from the heart and yet noone thought "This dude needs a bro hug."  

Getting a lady with a crystal ball and tarot reading cards was very original too, I guess. I just have one question. Was Dumbledore too busy to attend or did he refuse to return after Kiki hit on him backstage ? I mean, what the hell, man.. this was the same lady who was doing the most dignified Bollywood talk show and you have her playing with cards ? And did I see an episode in between where they were hitting gongs and pressing buzzers instead of just answering yes and no ? 

I'm sorry. I really have tried to like this show but it's hopeless. Between the tarot cards, the Lolita alter ego, the questionable choices for guests, the cartoonish drawings at the end and the frilly dresses, you've lost me.

The sad reality is you've destroyed Simi's 14 year TV credibility in the matter of a dozen shows.
All that's left is for the day to come when I turn on the television and see Simi in a golden tank-top balancing on a unicycle with a beach ball on her nose while simultaneously jiggling away to 'Simi ki Jawani' while the guest Anna Hazare licks his lips in the background waiting for Kiki to appear. 

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Let me know what you think.

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Gosh!You couldn't have summarized it better ! I happened to see a few episodes of rendezvous with simi on you tube a few months ago..that show was way more refined and entertaining than what's being shown on India's most desirable, which at times was pretty distasteful.. I also agree with another thing you pointed out; what's with the male audience wanting to hug shahid or John?and Kiki?!?! I guess we're witnessing the effects of India's unfavourable sex ratio... :P

  3. I never liked her show,she is total plastic..other day I was surfing and then saw one episode of shahid and that kiki one..OMG, I felt so irritated, there is nothing interesting in this show, and when I see the adds of malaya Scion, I dont know how Deepika even finds him eligible even..eeks.

  4. I never liked here... though she is frm jus same community as we come frm....lolz..
    she is jus too her xpressions..and all that drama..the stupid question. she asked..sidhaarth..
    "At what age you got first slap from your dad?"
    If you remember her expression at this question was like a very very serious issue like 9/11 is talking about...
    all its core... she white old plastic women...

  5. Denizen,there really is no comparison between the 2 shows...its almost ridiculous to think its the same lady...
    The guys yearning for a man hug really stumped me frankly.

    Renu, true on the scion of Mallya bit... he seemed very 'spoilt bratty'

    Harman, haha.. true. I mean, seriously, are these really the questions anyone gives a damn about ?

  6. But I did like her too...fortunately or unfortunately have not been able to watch the current show and now you made sure I won't even!

    My god-I guess they wanted to surpass Coffee with Karan and made a toffee version of it all!*as bad a joke as the show in your words...which are as good as the Rendezvous one*:-)

    And really-you would say you were watching porn? Now what fun-I hope we catch you watching it soon;-)

    Superb humour as always Doc!

  7. why , why, why did this show ever hit the T.V screen. It destroyed Simi Grewal......and tarot reading??? Are you kidding me? Lack of content I guess.

  8. Suruchi, i really suggest u do... see for urself how weird it is. "Softy with Simi" really hasnt worked out the way they wanted it... as for the porn bit...umm uhhh..whats that again ? :)

    Tangerine, i had a lot of hopes when the promos came..showing ranbir strumming a guitar and deepika mouthing her famous 'om shanti om' line to a awestruck, was i wrong ?

  9. LOL!!! I watched one of her interviews lately, and found kiki extremely irritating.

    and i guess her cosmetic surgery has failed her somewhere..she seems to be smiling like FOREVER---even when someone is being rude or remorse or about to break into tears over a personal loss..i mean DUH!!! :-/

    I hate her sequined-at-the-armpits outfits too...your 'bed sheet' idea would be more apt for the ocassion :P

  10. Earlier I've seen Simi on her talk show with Hrithik Roshan and Suzanne. She looked poignant, her stature elegant and the show symbolized it all. Her questions were sensible and she made the guests very comfortable.
    And ya the new show is hopeless as you have said. I dont know why Sidharth Mallya is India's most desirable just because he is the son of a millionaire. I guess there are many sportsmen and skillful people in India who've made it on their own who can be called 'desirable'.

  11. Lol! So you've seen all the episodes and now you're criticizing the show :)

    You are right. the show looks absolutely fake and certainly doesn't have 'India's most desirable'
    And Kiki is abhor-able to the core!What were the producers thinking?

    Btw, this post has been written very well :)

  12. She was never my cup of tea. . And after dis dont think i'll watch it also. .

  13. Pri...its true.. i cant really tell whether shes being serious or smiling...the lips get stuck in a fixed position at times...

    Anita, so true...there were many who they could have come up with... even if it is from world of cinema... this was more of a "anybody below 30" tag attached...

  14. Nisha..guilty :)
    But in my defence, it's while waiting for the sitcoms to start.. and once u get sucked into the ridiculousness, u just want to see how far she'll go.

    Rohan, u're missing a great parody of what a talk show host should be :)

  15. hi
    nice post :)

    I agree with you, that kiki thing was nonsensical and siddarth mallaya is definately not a heartthrob. simi grewal's old version was much better

  16. The earlier show also had a song... you remember that one? So, beautifully, she would introduce her guests... Looks like the desperation to be noticed again, has made her and her producer come up with this flip-dance of a show! Rendezvous was a class apart.... but, there is a sad fact, that we cannot ignore... most of us (the Indian audience) thrive on such Kiki gimmicks for these Kiki aka Lolita stunts allow all of us know (unfortunately and only) the faked romantic disposition of these actors....

    The drawings/sketches/doodling ...? what are they? some secret code embedded in them that leads to enlightenment, is it... that gives the IMDs the audacity to auction it? Seriously, who buys them!!!

  17. AS, no doubt about it. It's hard to believe it's the same woman...

    Ankita, ya, I remember the song. There is a sad truth to what you said - we all sit to watch it for how bad it is..
    As for the drawings, I'd really like to know who bought the individual 'works of art' and for how much...

  18. yes.. I too found it quite irritaing the way she talked to shahid kapoor as kiki.. It was disgusting.. Cant imagine its the same simi garewal.. the lady known for her elegance and charm.. and yes karan johar did talk so well and so heart pouringly.. he needed a hug.. and yes.. sometime soon we will be seeing rahul mahajan on the show coz they can call anybody as "Indias most desirable"

  19. I think Semi Garibal (Cyrus' alter ego) will anytime be better ;-P

  20. DocPriya, I know. I actually like Karan Johar's interview..he seemed genuine..even when he admitted he wasnt being honest the whole time...

    Jeremiah, forgot that used to be there... :)

  21. your comments are hilarious. I havent seen the new shoe yet.

  22. U really have to catch some of these episodes atleast on youtube...

  23. It is quite a pathetic show. You captured the flaws quite aptly. I just watched two episodes, and they made me curse. Really, her arched eyebrows and too much botox is making her look severe and even demented with her expressions. I gave up watching that show. And, those stupid drawings are called art? Even my 4-year-old can do a better job than that. They must yank the show off air.

  24. the junta and the channels love Rakhi Sawant shows. So people compare Simi with Rakhi and finds her better of the lot :)! I recently partly watched her show in the new avatar and loved the desi touch, for the sake of entertainment. If Big B can flirt with girls in movies @50, if SRK and Aamir Khan can play a college boy role @38 and 42 then Ms.Girewal also deserves her space, especially if it sells well. Entertainment ke Liye- kuch bhi Karega !!

  25. Hilarious! Especially the Dumbledore reference! And the title of your post says it all!! Awesome read, as usual!

  26. Rachna, really those artworks just confirmed what i always knew - there is a serious lack of ANY TALENT in Bollywood.

    Nitin, You have a I admitted earlier, for all my cribbing, I have watched every episode.

    Nirvana, thanks yaar.

  27. Heard the same on another blog I want to watch this;-D

    "Also, I'm not trying to stir a controversy or suggest anything, but why didn't anyone hug Karan Johar ?"
    LOL now this made me laugh....not KJ but the way u worded it;-D

  28. Hah just noticed, u r Aquarian...meee too;-D

  29. Reflections, you must watch this show..its the best parody of what talk shows should be like..

    As for the Aquarian bit, hehe..glad to see all Aquarians are proud of it :)

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