#AlternativeFacts - Ellen DeGeneres' Dory & other movie villains - GODYEARS

#AlternativeFacts - Ellen DeGeneres' Dory & other movie villains

February 06, 2017

It is tiring keeping up with Trump & his posse, isn't it? I mean, you don't even have time to process a tweet of his, let alone an order or alternative fact, before the next half a dozen have arrived. Heck, even Saturday Night Live is struggling to keep up so who are we mere mortals?

I wanted to talk about a relatively mild-flavored incident actually.
It relates to my favorite feel-good host, Ellen DeGeneres. At a time when the other late night talk show Avengers  (Stephen Colbert, Jimmys 1 and 2, Trevor Noah & Seth Myers) are skewering El Presidento Trump with hilarious observations, Ellen chose a perfectly non-political way to get political.

Referring to the animation movie Trump was watching the day he enforced the Muslim ban (his words, not mine), she showed how perfectly 'Finding Dory' was exactly the opposite of what he represented. You could have picked a thousand movies to watch that day and would not get one with allegories that matched so well.

The Trump crowd reacted as was expected, berating Ellen. Now, I get it. We are living in a world where there will definitely be someone to oppose you no matter what you say or do. But it shocked me to hear and read people talking smack of her. Dory, I mean, not Ellen. Ellen's a big girl and she's faced hell and come out wearing its flames as a jumpsuit. But in which world was Dory the fish an evil liberal leftist Democratic agent?

It got me thinking though about how people view movies differently and how, perhaps it is us (fools like me) who have got it wrong. Yes, we all sit in the same theater and watch the same movies but obviously, I've been seeing something else because in my movies, Harry Potter, Captain America and the Autobots were the good guys. The fascists and autocrats were the bad guys. But hey, I'm open to alternative facts too.

So with that in mind, I revisited some classics and viewed them with orange-tinted shades for a change and lo! and behold. I found out that I was indeed wrong. People I admired and rooted for were indeed villains in reality.

Allow me to demonstrate: (mild spoilers ahead)

Alternative-Facts-Hollywood-Movies-Man-of-Steel

Superman - Man of Steel: Superman entered USA without any visa or green card and is adopted by naive rural farmers. He learns everything about the natives and pretends to be one of them. When another foreign jehadi general from his land comes to kill him, he refuses to go and thousands of Americans die in their battle.
Instead of being repentant or pledging allegiance to USA, he wears his homeland foreign symbol proudly on his chest. (he claims it 'stands for hope', we believe it 'stands for 72 virgins')
#DoomsdayIsTheRealAmericanHero

Harry Potter: 3 kids are taken from their homes to a hidden training center where they are brainwashed into learning black magic by a old bearded man who earlier helped small, hairy legged men kill the all-seeing kind leader Sauron. For 8 movies, the hero fights valiantly against these child terrorists, his very name being banned by pseudo liberals in the terrorist training center eventually resulting in a tear jerking end.
(Hogwarts - do you see the hidden meaning? Hogwarts = Hog-warts = dirty pig imagery = anti-bacon = Jews/Muslims)
#MakeHeWhoShallNotBeNamedHaveANameAgain

Erin Brockovich: Corporate company's attempt to give jobs 'to you, the people' is undone by lying liberal skank who used to be an escort for Richard Gere. I'm telling the truth. I heard it from a reliable Russian escort buddy of hers while she was golden-showering me.

Alternative-Facts-Hollywood-Movies-Clockwork-Orange

A Clockwork Orange: A bunch of well dressed white boys are demonized for showcasing the fallacies of the law. Sure, they did a few things and grabbed a few pu***es but it was nothing compared to Hillary's emails. Seriously, did you see what was on those emails? No. Oh ok. Ya, neither did I but they must have been shocking!

Bruce Almighty: Get the reels of this movie and burn it, I say! The guy who earlier got the mask with the powers of Loki now works in fake news and gets to be God and he uses his powers to increase the size of Jennifer Aniston's tatas! The travesties upon our God go on and on but none more blasphemous than making a black man God!
#MakeGodWhiteAgain

Star Trek- First Contact: Gay Captain (He must be gay! He's spouting Shakespeare, drinking earl gray tea and seen with another pale faced makeup wearing man called Data) is not ready to undergo assimilation and become pious heterosexuals like the white Borg community. Kills them all.
#BanSpaceLGBTs


Alternative-Facts-Hollywood-Movies-Avatar
Donald's tweets are never wrong.
They are insightful & apply to everyone in the world... and even in Pandora.

Avatar: Idiot replacing his dead brother goes on a foreign mission and falls in love with an Iraqi (one of them countries, anyway) woman, screwing his own country just because she has some kinky moves involving appendages. Some environmental protection nonsense also added in. As if!
#MyTaxesMyUnobtainium

Titanic: Proof that global warming is a myth. That iceberg still exists and is a national monument in the Atlantic Ocean just off the turning from Bay of Bengal. Spicer & Kellyanne visited it just last week. Yes, they have the photos in their mobiles. No, we won't be showing it to you!
#MakeGlobalWarmingAMythAgain

Alternative-Facts-Hollywood-Movies-SamuelJackson


A Time to Kill: After getting his pre-pubescent temptress black daughter to honey-trap two young Brock Turners respectable white rednecks, black Samuel L Jackson breaks the law and shoots the innocent white boys dead. Aided by a liberal pinko lawyer, black Samuel cheats the law and escapes to New York where he wears an eye patch and enters the houses of billionaires asking them to join his Avengers Initiative so that he can kill more hardworking whites like Robert Redford.
#LynchEvilSamuel

Alternative-Facts-Hollywood-Movies-Avengers
Al HAvengers even went so far as to eat Arab propaganda shawarma 
after beating up a benevolent white man, Loki.

Avengers : Let us be clear. This is a group of people with lots of weapons of mass destruction and has a guy who turns green (not red, white or blue but Muslim green).  You know what is messed up? After beating up a friendly tourist and his friends just because they came from the skies instead of from under the Mexican border, they forcibly send him back to Asgard (note, we have great relations with Asgard. Yuge relations! They were the first to send us a condolence email after the Bowling Green massacre! Ask Obama!).


Home Alone 2: A one minute movie about Donald Trump helping a little boy find his way with some added nonsense about a booby trapped house to appeal to dumb Democrats. The key is he helped the boy just as he will help America find its way again. #InDonaldWeTrust

Alternative-Facts-Hollywood-Movies-Jurassic-Park


Jurassic Park: A superior being with small hands is portrayed as an entertainment freak by biased leftist scientists who know nothing about anything. They try to cage him within boundaries they draw. He's too big for them. Bigly big.
#DontCallMeTinyHands

Kung Fu Panda: Chinese propaganda movie meant to make you subliminally crave dumplings which they fill with Asian soy sauce that turns you into a Communist. Skip kung-fu & watch boxing movies like Rocky IV where a topless Russian man kills a black man as the crowd cheers. That's an inspiring movie. Didn't see the second half of the movie but I guess the Russian guy goes on to become President or something?
#WhereHaveAllTheRussianMoobsGone

Alternative-Facts-Hollywood-Movies-Die-Hard


Die Hard: Anti-Christian cop keeps spoiling the religious holiday by killing legal IT-trained immigrants who are working hard during Christmas. Later teams up with Samuel L Jackson - the very same! - and kills the relatives of the first crew in another Die Hard movie. Bad hombre!

Terminator 2: Arnold Schwarzenegger changes sides (from Republican robot to anti-Republican robot) and ends up getting melted & burned (that's what happens when you mess with Trump.)
#SkyNetIsGood

Runaway Jury: Liberal propaganda movie that tries to suggest gun manufacturers should pay extra if the product works fatally well and kids don't have the right to express themselves in school with bullets (which when you think about it are the same shape as chalk!)
#GunsBelongInSchoolsNotMuseums

Alternative-Facts-Hollywood-Movies-Lion-King


The Lion King: Wise leader decides to Make Lions Great Again, overthrowing the weak liberal ruler by throwing him over the cliff. Unfortunately, his vision is cut short by the vengeful hallucinating son of the old ruler, aided by a treacherous pig and scheming rat-cat thing.


Alternative-Facts-Hollywood-Movies- ET


ET: Foreign looking brown alien, possibly Mexican, is found loitering suspiciously around small children. Refuses to come in for questioning. In the end, goes back to his own kind. (Do you want strange brown men playing with your children? See, that's why we need that wall. Bad hombres out there!) Go home, El Taco!! And take your tamales with you!


I don't know about you but my eyes have truly been opened. So many propaganda movies in Hollywood promoting icky values like humanity, liberalism (ugh!) and kindness. What about you all? Are you finally ready to accept the truth of Hollywood? Can you think of any other wonderful anti-autocratic movies I may have missed? Do let me know in the comments section below.

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20 comments

  1. Oh My God!! That is one bad ass series of alternate facts!! I could not stop laughing but I see the Irony as well.

    Sad reality as colored by our prejudices. Well said, Doc.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you liked it :) But yes, I feel this is exactly how perceptions get altered via #alternativefacts. A sad reality to live in.

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  2. Hahahah - wow - that was something - loved your take on it - and refreshing to see it all- and those themes with "new eyes" so to speak.. loved your alternative facts:-)

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  3. Hey! We have relatives in Bowling Green, Kentucky who survived the Bowling Green Massacre. To honor what they went through, I read part of your post to my husband. You are so spot on. Am almost afraid to wake up in the morning, but this made my day. Maybe my week. (and my husband really does have family in Bowling Green. Not making this up!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah yes. I hope his family is benefiting from the Odin & Thor Bowling Green Massacre Memorial Ice Cream Cone slushie machine installed.

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  4. Gimme them orange-tinted glasses, for surely sir, Hollywood has been deceiving us with these subliminal hidden plots that we simple-minded folks just refused to see until now! Damn!
    I bet the orange-tinted glasses also show Dory as what she really is - evil, evil, evil. Keep the evil out of the country.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See! See! Once you see the hidden evil, you can't unsee it! That's why Trump is da maan! I'm sure Ellen has been hiding more evil in her talk shows too... things like humanity and compassion!

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  5. (PS: Seriously wish someone would send this link to Mr. President)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He would agree with me thinking I am serious and tweet it... I would become Enemy Number 1 of the world!

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  6. This is seriously seriously good... Absolutely hilarious too... How in the world with your busy schedule do you come up with such witty posts. Let me now comment on Trump... I will simply enjoy the awesomeness of this post :D

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    Replies
    1. Awww Thank you :) Labour of love... and of course, Trump is worth it.

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  7. Doc..you food it again..its hilarious

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  8. What a brilliant post! I can see on Huffpost already! This post will really bring some respite to all those traumatized by Trump's antics! You've taken such pains to bring up such thoroughly howlarious alternate plots, I would love to see a spoof movie with them!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks... don't think Huff Post would accept it though :)

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  9. What a brilliant take. Every coin does have two sides....you only have to flip it over to see the other side.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, the penny sitting inside the White House is really crooked beyond repair.. hence the need for alternative facts.

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  10. hahahhaha #dontcallmetinyhands LOL !!!!

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    Replies
    1. You just know he wants to get that hashtag viral!

      Delete

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