What dreams may come

Dr Roshan Radhakrishnan


There is a pattern to everything. A synchronicity bound to every object and being that we come across. Even in the variations , these patterns persist.

I’ve known all the ways my front door moans in acknowledgement to various people. It’s silent creaks after my late nights out, the mild thuds when my kid throws his school bag at it and runs back out to play, it’s prolonged squeak as my wife slowly enters, wondering what mayhem has taken place in her abode by her favourite men while she was gone. After all these years here, I’ve come to trust the door’s warning cries.

BLAAM is the door’s way of telling me to hide. I glance again at the window, wondering whether I can survive a fall from a 10th storey building. I figure I could, but I’d hate to think of what would happen to anyone I landed on. I hurriedly pick up the paper and pretend to read it.. ‘Ooh. Lindsay’s getting engaged to her girlfriend, but she says she isn’t gay.. nice’

Stand still.’ The familiar voice surrounds me. I fell in love with that voice a long time ago.. I should have just asked for a voice recording instead of taking the whole package home. I pretend not to listen.

This is all your fault, you know ? You never scold him and let him do anything he wants and .. I told you to stand still !!!’

Okay. I ain’t standing yet, so who’s she talking to ? I peek through the pages... ah yes !! They’re both here. My wife and kid. From the looks of it, she’s picked him up from school. From the looks of it, he didn’t like that. From the looks of it, I’m gonna pay for it. I try to scamper back within the newspaper, but Eagle-eye Mommy’s sees me peeking.

Roshan. Put that paper down. We have to talk.’

I pray there’s another Roshan in the room reading a paper. I peek through my sheets again, looking to find him. Nope. Noone but us loving family members... snarling teeth mommy and grumpy junior.

Oh well. Time to face the music. I put the paper down.

‘Hi Honey. You’re home. How was my day, you ask ? Oh, the usual. A couple of deliveries, an appendix, a quickie with the nurse, another appendix..’

Silence. Not the silence of lovers beholding each other after a decade. More like the silence that precedes that Jaws tune that warns you the shark’s gonna bite in the next 60 seconds.

I decide not to continue with that line of conversation. She learned karate in her teenage years. Damn you, Dad-in-law.

Roshan. I’m tired of being the bad guy. You never shout at him when he makes a mistake. You act as if it’s ok and spoil him and I always end up looking bad in front of him. Now, look at what he’s done. I’m not gonna be the bad guy here. You’re gonna fix this. Do you understand ?’

‘Sheila, why don’t you relax, dear ? I can see you’re upset and whatever it is, I’ll handle it. Now why don’t you go take a nice hot showe..’


I find it sweet how he’s always ‘my kid’ when he’s in trouble. If he does well in school or babysits the neighbour’s child, he’s ‘her angel’. But he scribbles ‘SEX’ on the wall and all of a sudden, my genes are to blame.

‘Okay. Okay. Fine. You can stay. But no , I mean absolutely no, interruptions. You got it ?’

She hmmphs. Which means I’ll have to deal with 4 interruptions at the very least. I count that as a moral victory. Whatever. Beggars and husbands can’t be choosers. I look at her with my ‘I wear the pants in the house’ look. She glares back with her ‘I’ll tear your pants to shreds and leave you in the garbage bag’ look. Ah, romance is in the air.

I sit junior beside me. The love of my life hovers in front of us.

‘Ok, son, did something happen in school today ?’ He shakes his head.

‘Did you get into trouble with someone in your class ?’ Another shake.

‘Did you forget your homework again ?’ Nope. I wonder if I should ask for a hint at this point of time. Luckily, R volunteers.

‘Dad. I’m getting married.’

‘Cool. Is she hot ?’

“ROSHAN !!!”

“I mean, WHAT ?? You’re getting married ? “ he nods. Awright. I made him nod yes. Who da maan ? Only took 4 questions and a hint.

‘R, I don’t want to be a partypooper and all, but you know, you’re 7 years old. ‘ He looks at me quizzically. ‘What’s age got to do with it ?’ he asks me in that adorable kid voice of his. I’m butter already. I move to hug him, but a pull of my receding hairline from fingers above remind me what I’m supposed to be doing.

‘Son. I just think you’re a little young for marriage. Love too, for that matter. Besides, we didn’t even know you were in love. Tell me about this girl. What’s her name ? How long have you known her ?’

‘Shee.. her name is Teena. She’s in my classh. We’ve been in love since last Tuesday. We’ve been sharing our lunch since yesterday.’

‘Hmm.. that is a big step in a relationship, I agree. But don’t you think you’re rushing this marriage thing ?’

‘Why, daddy ? We both have the same pencil box, we both like Teletubbies and she’s got really good lunch, not like Mommy makes.’ I pray the moment will pass unnoticed. That maybe Mommy was lost for a moment in the newspaper pic of John Abraham. I pray for a lot of things that God sends to his spam mail directly.

‘Oh. Now my cooking is also not good for you. Your dad eats it daily and you don’t see him complaining !!!’

‘Daddy eats anything.’ He says simply.

‘Hey!!!’ Damn fridge door. Always gives me away. I stare at my kid. He stares back at me. We both know he’s right.

‘Ok, kid. See, getting married ain’t that easy. Where will you two stay after the wedding ? And the honeymoon ?’ A sharp pull of the hair reminds me that Sweetypie is above and doesn’t approve of the direction this conversation is taking.

‘Daddy. I and Teena will be staying in my room till we finish school and college. Then, I’ll be an astronaut and build a house on the moon and we’ll live there with our kids. Don’t worry, Dad. There’ll be a big room for you and mom too.’ Awww.. he built a room for me too. This adorable little psycho I call my son loves me.

‘And the honeymoon ?’

‘We’re going to Disneyland.’ Double Awwwww. What better way to spend private time than with a mouse with no shirt and a duck with no pants.

‘Food ?’ ‘Her mom will send us tiffins for lunch and we’ll eat from the fridge for dinner.’ Damn kid’s thought of everything.

‘You know... your mom is a pretty big believer in horoscopes..’

‘It’sh ok, daddy. Ours fits.’ Whaa ?

‘You checked your horoscopes ?’

My wife intervenes. ‘Show daddy the horoscopes.’ I look up at her. What was going on ? R rummages through his Johny Bravo schoolbag and takes out a piece of paper from his drawing book. He hands it to me.

I have to smile. Damn. This is my kid. There is no doubt about it. There is no one else who could have thought this up. Definitely not any kid of the damn milkman !!! I lower my head so that my wife can’t catch my grin. I almost don’t make it. But the phone rings and she leaves to answer it. Saved by the bell. I glance back at the picture.

He’s drawn a little crab holding a bull’s hand. I imagine my wife, after years of being with me, picking up it’s significance immediately too. My kid was drawing sunsigns. He was a Cancer, like his mom.. a crab. I know the answer but I still ask so I could hear him say it.

‘What’s Teena’s sign ?’

‘She’s a Tautus, daddy. That’s the bull one. I’m the crab one. See, both fit nicely.‘

‘Ahhhh !! I see. Did you draw this ?’ He looked at me and smiled. A smile that says he’s picked up on the pride in my voice. A smile that says he knows daddy’s on his side.

‘ROSHANN !!!’ Milady again in falsetto breaks the moment.

I turn around. She holds the cordless in her hand. Her palm’s covering the speaker end.

‘It’s Teena’s mom. Your kid and her apparently decided to tell their parents at the same time. She’s pretty angry. Saying our kid’s putting silly thoughts in her head.’

I hold out my hand for the phone. My wife looks at me beseechingly. I signal her to trust me, then take the phone.

‘Hello, Ma’am. Yes Ma’am. I understand how shocking it must be to hear this from your child. Yes, I realise this is an innocent age and you don’t wish to corrupt your child with such thoughts. Yes Ma’am. Yes, I understand.’ I doubt if she even hears a word I say. She’s a yakker. No doubt about it. The type that wants to establish herself, giving prima donna views on her status and morality. This could go on forever. Unless...

‘Mrs Bharati.. Bharati isn’t it ? Well, I understand all that you have said, but I think I must make myself clear. What’s done is done. But there is one issue that’s yet to be discussed. You see, as the father of my son, I must inform you that I demand one crayon set every year till high school as dowry for your new son-in-law. And I mean Faber-Castell ,lady. Not that cheap Camlin crap. My son doesn’t settle for cheap stuff. After all, he’s a purebred Ezhava. That’s high class blood running in him. ( Which is kinda true – I mean how much higher than a coconut climber can you get ? ) And yes, he’d like a new Pokemon toy too every month. Hello ? Hello ? Sheila. Is this phone charged ? I’m getting static. You think she hung up on me ?’

I turn around. Sheila is smiling. Again, not ‘Love of my life’ smiling. ‘Exorcist’ smiling. I wonder if maybe, I should have leaped from the 10th storey building, when I had the chance.She doesn’t speak a lot when that smile plasters her face. I prefer it that way. God alone knows what language her inner demon speaks when she’s possessed. Heaven knows I can't reply if she starts speaking Hebrew. I can barely communicate with Malayalam. She raises her hand towards the phone. I give it to her. She walks into the bedroom. Shuts the door.


She’ll be busy doing damage control with our new in-laws for the next hour. I’ll be 'dealt with later’. I guess it’s the guest room for me tonight. I look back at my son. He smiles at me. That smile. He can get away with murder. I ask the only thing that comes to my mind at that moment.

‘So what does Teena’s mom make for lunch ?’

Author’s note : This post is, regrettably , fiction. It was a flow of thought that arose from a comment a senior made a few nights back. He felt that when the time came, I’d be a strict dad. I knew he couldn’t be right. I’d make a terrible dad. I can’t imagine myself being strict. This story is just a reflection of that.. ‘What may have been’ if I were a dad today. ‘What may have been’ if I were a husband today too, I guess.

Final note :


The door to the guestroom whispers annoyance at being disturbed so late into the night. I feel her move into the hollow space beside me. Those cuddly arms wrap around me from behind. Her smell is rain in an arid desert. I pretend to be asleep. I hear her breath beside my ears and then a whisper.

“I know you ain’t sleeping. I just want you to know you aren’t entirely forgiven yet. We’ll discuss your punishment in the morning. For now, go to sleep. And I swear to God, if you say one word about me being scared to sleep alone in the dark again, someone’s gonna be missing two balls in the morning.”

I let out a prolonged yawn. “I hope it’s that stupid Mr Singh in apartment 304. You seen his dhoti ? He looks like he’s hiding a dozen of them in there.”

She tries hard. She really does. But it’s tough not to laugh even at the dumbest jokes of someone you love when you’re in love. After all, that’s the rule of love. That’s the joy of loving someone. They can make dumb into funny. They can make hell into roses, darkness into daylight.

In the end, she manages to stifle it down to a bunch of coughs. I turn around and hug her back. She doesn’t resist. Neither of us won the battle today. Simply because there never was a battle in the first place. Just a never ending skit of crazytime– a madness we call our family. A madness I would never give up for anything in the world.

Not even for little Teena’s ham and mayonnaise sandwich.

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Let me know what you think.

  1. Now that is some nice 'futuristic' thinking :D

    Again, excellent narration.

    Sounded almost real. I say 'almost' because I don't see any set of normal parents going Grrrr! over such a sweet marriage plan :D

    If that ever happens for real, am sure you and Shiela ( ?!) along with Teena's mom and dad would have a hearty laugh over the entire episode instead ;-)

  2. that was an awwwwww post....

    doc, u rock... i just don't get it.. how come no lady has fell for u still.... make them all read ur posts Dear...

    the final note is everyones dream...

    PS: is that ur drawing?? cancer and "tautus"?

  3. Nah...Leave it to a kid to fall for a sandwich :))
    Good one. And yeah...you drew that? Wow:)

  4. that was so sweet... and so hilarious...where did u find that drawing but?

    U will make a good dad.. :)

    PS..There had been some prob and i hadn't been able to access ur blog from my blog roll.I took all the efforts to search u on orkut..and follow the orkut heroes link to finally land up here.And I go back with a happy feeling.. :)

  5. lemme tell u ..i also knew the easier way to find ur blog though.. :D

  6. Now I can't search words in Inglesh..

    Rosh... Roshan... illa ..Doc... doctorji... Annaaaaaaa !
    Epdi ithellam... Enga irunthu varuthu intha mathiri oru script..

    And.. I can already see I'm the odd man out here.. Only guy to comment after 4 girls...

    And... seriously if you are not going to quit your doctoring for sometime and start writing something and publishing it, making it a huge success all over the globe.. You are a big loser doc !

    And gr8 theme.. I would pick up a similar conversation with some girl (if at all i meet someone new) and narrate the entire thing like my own imagination and make her fall.. I will put ur name in courtesy/thanks field.. and of course confess it later to her to make believe - I did all that coz I liked her soo much... and end up making myself a sweet guy again..

    And regarding your domain redirection.. I guess a simple option in the blogger settings panel will help.. I will be excited to help you anytime..

  7. Awesome story!

    Your kid with his horoscope matching is the best bit!

  8. aishu, some day 10 years down the line, I hope I can say that we did indeed have that hearty laugh.

    rat, Its isnt that 'da ladies' haven't fallen. It's just that I've found unique ways to repel them from me and into the arms of their true soulmates.. seriously!!!
    And you dont know that drawing.. shame on you. Thats the world famous 'BullCrab' by that awesome Greek God lookalike artist.. whats his name... ummm. ya.. Roshan R.

    Meira, Thank you. thank you.

    Illeen, again as for the drawing, refer to above. As for the linking problem, gimme a few days.. once google realises I have no cash, I'm presuming they'll give up and go back to defaults.

  9. Quakeboy..
    someday there will be a godyears book out touchwood.
    As for using my story, no probs, but I sure as hell better get an invite to the wedding... and I'm talking front row at the buffet table, Mr!!
    For the redirect thingy, as I said earlier, Im gonna give it a few days to give up on me.. if not, will definitely need some help. Sad part is damn thing doesnt accept debit cards...

    Thank you, Aathira

  10. Sheila

    vaguely familiar. :D

  11. unique ways to repel them way!! pray wat are those.. let us know too...

    greek god look alike... know wat ppl will believe that till u show them ur unique "single pack"

  12. Rosh can i have you email id ?? plzz I promise I wont spam ya..

  13. just to discuss some things that might be not suitable to discuss over here...

  14. Maxaud, hehe. True. Went back to basics for the wife's name.. Which reminds me- where is Gas? No news from him for awhile.

    Rat, who needs a 6 pack when 'one' can fill It's place, eh?

    Quakeboy, i think if u click the 'view my profile' button next to my face, You'l find my email id there.. If you can't send via that, inform me. I'l send ya 'another' id

  15. Maxaud, hehe. True. Went back to basics for the wife's name.. Which reminds me- where is Gas? No news from him for awhile.

    Rat, who needs a 6 pack when 'one' can fill It's place, eh?

    Quakeboy, i think if u click the 'view my profile' button next to my face, You'l find my email id there.. If you can't send via that, inform me. I'l send ya 'another' id

  16. "Single pack Wonder Butt"... My Hero.. U DA MAAN

  17. Too good...awesome imagination...:)

  18. Rat, was there any doubt? I AM Da man.

    Ap, thanks.

  19. slap slap slap... Rosh wake up... 6 days and no posts..

    this rat is missing u terribly...

  20. well, its a hectic week ahead... work, an upcoming seminar and in between all this, NANOWRIMO ends in a week...

  21. hi. i ve been readin ur blog everr since u came in orkutheroes.. didnt comment before kos i just took all the spare time i had in readin ALL ur posts... them nice.. ur writing flows into the readers blood and comfortably makes a room there.. later on the person can visit it and sit at the lamp of joy or misery u offered at each post .. yes godyears can become a book .. but there is so much in u thats pourin out thats its gonna take some arrangin to figure wat only shld go into a book kos evrythin u write is nice and it does reward a reader for spendin time readin it .. its u , its honest and its human ....
    will keep readin. am an artist and a poet .. if u feel like it do visit my blog anukalikal.blogspot.com
    not as packed as urs .. but nevretheless pretty much me only!!

  22. Dear Anu, that has got to be one of the best reviews I've ever recieved. If not the best.. I'm seriously considering makin it into a jpg and addin in my blog just to boost my morale.. Cos That's exactly what you did today.. Give me a major boost after a pretty bad 24 hours of my life.. Thank you thank you thank you.

  23. awww that was sooo sweet....travelling forward in time is soo much fun isnt it? :)

    i couldent help grinning at every line of the post...
    damn sweet!
    ul make a wonderful father (because ur soo understanding) and a great husband too (since u dont complain about food) :p

  24. for a minute, i thought u wer married n all...gulp!i hope da futur goes da way u want it ta or rather, imagine it ta...

  25. Pri... travelling forward is fun.. hell of a lot better than right now anyway !!! And thanks for the 'wonderful dad great hubby bit'.. touchwood..

    Reni.. I hope so too.

    Anu, I wanted to add - please do give your opinion on any other articles u may have liked.. the more the feedback, the more I enjoy

  26. i do visit ur blog daily now so i can assure u its a pleasure readin it .. among work and deadlines i sort of use ur words to unwind.. they make me laugh, smirk,talk to myself and keep readin.. yes i will comment more from my next readin time. and thank u for takin a peek into my blog. i did reply to wat u said there .. ...

  27. ROFL that was a nice peek into the future.. You 'll sure make an awesome dad.. Lucky kids n not to mention Sheila too :)

  28. if only there was a Sheila.. sigh !!!

  29. I really enjoyed this post, too adorable for words. Worth publishing as a short story. You sound like my husband who always gives me a dilemma about having kids, having him for a dad!!!

    1. be it ever so late, I will comment here - this story did get published as a short story in a book called 'Urban Shots:Bright Lights" available in all stores across India. Your words were prophetic.

  30. Hi Dr Roshan!

    you must try marriage counseling too. you can set a lot of warring couples on the right track. Really enjoyed the post i read this in office as usual and some colleagues thought i went nuts because of the laughing.

    I haven't reached the post kid stage yet but have written some thing about the commitment bug here

    lets see if i can make you laugh too

    1. glad to hear I'm not the only one considered nuts by my colleagues then :)

  31. AnonymousMay 21, 2012

    Hi Dr Roshan,
    I happened to have accidentally stumbled on to your blog and that is I guess one of the better things that has happened to me these days...these days, whenever i get free time (and have access to the internet, of course!) i read your blog and dont realise how much time has passed doing so. Your style of writing strikes a chord with all emotions that an individual can experience. Being a kind of a girl who doesnt like reading romantic stuff (yes, inspite of being a girl) even Erich Sehgal's Love Story failed to stir the emotions within me that it supposed to stir within the reader's heart. But your 'The Letter' (To Someone You Love) did what Mr Sehgal couldnt manage to do and I hate it for that :P Way to go Dr Roshan...All the best :)Looking forward to more of such writings from you :)

    1. Dear Anon, its comments like this that inspire bloggers like me to write better.
      Love Story had me in tears, but then I'm an emotional baby... thank you very much. Your compliment means the world to me.
      Hopefully I can live up to your expectations. And do keep commenting on posts you liked as well.. as I said, its comments like this that make my day.

  32. Roshan, ROFL!!!

    I've been so late reading this.... Loved it! Made me laugh on almost each line. Thanks for making my day lighter :)


    1. Glad to hear that Sharni... this was the story was published earlier this year in the book 'Urban Shots:Bright Lights"
      It was really loved by all those who read the book.
      As with my usual jaada, I collected all the reviews and put them all in one link.

  33. Hi Roshan,
    Im Sharnis colleague at office.

    osum.. truly osum narration.. I was in my office whil reading this and my colleagues in my cubicle were annoyed by my laugh and asked me whats there to so much laugh when u code a s/w. Shared with my husband, he too loved it.
    Waiting for more cool blogs.. :-)

    1. I was just replying to Sharni's comment and yours appeared :)
      Glad I'm causing people to get into trouble in offices also :D As I told Sharni above, this story was published earlier in a book called 'Urban Shots :Bright Lights" The link for reviews of my story are there in her link.

  34. This is the best!!!wat creativity Roshan....u rock!!!

    1. Thanks... this was published in Urban Shots : bright lights as 'Father of my Son'.

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