Goodbye Pal

by - June 09, 2009

I wish I could have been home today.
I wanted to say goodbye to someone I loved, before he left.
There is a superstition from my past that came back to haunt me today as I finished my last case of the day. The belief goes that if someone tries to harm you, the pets in your house suffers first. I don't believe in it much, but I remember it from the past because I always wondered whether I would be responsible for the suffering of an innocent creature just because someone wished ill of me.

Imagine how it felt then when I returned home 3 months back, unable to walk because of a mystery ailment to the leg and found that Leo, Ruby's 8 year old child, had suffered an equally mysterious deep wound on his back left leg, akin to my own left leg, which wouldn't heal. Both of us lay bedridden for 2 months, a few feet away. When I finally got walking and visited him, he still stood up and found it in him to do what he did best - hold my paw with his, grip it... and just stand there. A dog seeking his master's approval.

I eventually got operated on, diagnosed, treated and joined back to work. Leo, inspite of the best care available,did not heal. He got worse with every day. But he still gamely ran on 3 legs when let out. He still let his bossy son, Bruno get first dibs on whatever events they went on - be it eating, drinking, bathing or just leaving the cage first. He was a good dad.

As adviced by the vet, Leo was put to sleep today. My mom fed him his favourite chicken and rice in the morning. She didn't want him to leave with an empty stomach. She cried in the prayer room as he left. Bruno, his self centred kid, hasn't stopped crying yet... I could hear him over the phone as my mom told me the news hours later.Me ? I've got to look after humans. I'm not allowed to show that the death of a dog can break my spirit. I must carry on with my day. Lives depend on it.

In these years while I've been busy pursuing my career, I've always been haunted by how I've had to give up the love and affection I would have wanted to bestow on those who mean a lot to me. My parents, brother, friends... and my pets. All have suffered my indifference as I have had to choose a textbook or two over them when they needed me. How there was never enough time for a gesture that said "I love you" when someone needed it the most. In this race to be the best in the field, I look back now and see all the people I've hurt like this. They're all familiar faces. They're all the faces of people who loved me.

It keeps stabbing at me even as I write this that, in the end, I could never find enough time for this lovable dog who lived in my house for 8 years... who just wanted to hold my hand all day long.

I wish I could have seen you just one more time before I left... just to tell you how much I loved you.
I'm sorry pal. I really am. You deserved better than me.

Rest in Peace.

You May Also Like


  1. Thats heart breaking...
    I can understand how you must be feeling...So sorry for Leo...may god bless his soul!

  2. He's in doggy heaven now doc with an unlimited supply of cats to chase... and plenty of chicken to eat.

    I've lost enough pets of all sorts to know how you feel... just don't forget them (not that you will ever forget your pets) and you'll find your peace in some way.

  3. Thanx Prats.

    Johnnie.. I dont know man. Just feel really lousy. How do we ever get peace watching ppl ( or animals ) we cared for for so long die ? To be frank, just been working non stop all night... big case tomorrow but mind not getting around the fact yet.

  4. i know exactly how you are feeling right now! exactly..i have lost two of my babies almost year back..cindy and nikki..i grew up with them..and two months before my wedding..their health started deteriorating..for various reasons i would not want to go through here..i just lost them.. before i knew it they were gone and it still hurts..every single day..thats the worst part of being loved by a pet i guess..they love you so unconditionally..and when they are gone and its just memories you are left not possible to forget them..ever!

    leo will be there running happily chasing butterflies on the rainbow of all pain..i am sure!

  5. I sure understand Roshan. That's one reason we have not replaced our 'Dasu' yet..after many years. We cannot afford to go through the heart ache again, in case..

    RIP Leo.

  6. doc, its not always ur profession that comes in the way. there could be a zillion other things that could. what if you were working and u had 20 leaves left but u were taking part in this important meeting or conference and can't travel at that time, or what if you were job hunting and had this important interview that waited a month for? even flight timings and schedules can get in your way, like it did when my grandmom died.. it still haunts me very badly, that feeling..

    dont worry, it happens to all of us.. this too shall pass.

  7. m so's heart breaking.
    For a moment I thought of maggi and that scared me.

    Please take care..

  8. n dont u worry..he's had a good time here.. and shall have a good time up there..and he might even be flirting with a "doggy" angel by now.. :D

  9. Its the most painful when pets have to be put to sleep.

    Jerry ( my alsation) had to be put to sleep after his hind leg rheumatism got the worse of him. I sat by him as they injected him, I could not leave his side. He had such a loving look in his eyes, in spite of the fact that he knew he was going.

    I am so sorry, and I know what you mean. The feeling that envelops when you are not there to say good bye. I am so sorry Roshan.

    May his soul rest in peace.

  10. oh its really heartbreaking to lose a pet, even more when it happens right in front of ur eyes. my 14-yr old dog Terry too had to be put to sleep. the bad thing was that "dr death" arrived without warning. i was "lucky/unlucky" to be at home when she came. we couldn't even bid a proper farewell to Terry. we didnt have the time to shower more love or feed him, or pet him..nothing.

    Doc came, told us wat she had come for, told us she had another appointment to keep in the next 20 mins so it had to be done real fast, pulled out a syringe, asked me to hold Terry, and poof, and in a few seconds Terry was reeling and dropped down dead.

    And the doc was so relaxed (read insensitive). all the while she was laughing, gossiping and bitching about other clients, when me and mom were least interested in what she was saying. It was terrible.

    I know how ur feeling dude :(

  11. Thanks everyone.. for the kind comments and wishes..

  12. The fact of the matter is guys I really want to get rid of this post from my direct blog- vision as soon as possible.. it reminds me too much of my gravest flaws.

  13. RIP Leo.
    And Roshan, the fact that you're feeling this way proves that there's no way he could've done better than you. He was lucky to know you, and vice-versa. :)

  14. hey orry.. i didnt know... :(

    hugzzz dear...


Let me know what you think.